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fool —
Seeing her eyeing me with a panicking expression gave me no time to think, I quickly pulled myself inside of the changing room and turned around.
My heart was beating unevenly and fast as I breathed shakily. My eyes were desperately looking for a place to hide. I had no time for second thoughts, for thoughts in all.
My eyes landed on the big closet a bit away and I tiptoed over and opened the closet, noticing how dark and dusty it was. Quite old. I threw myself inside of it as I closed it, panicking.
He can't see me. She can't get shit for me forcing her to meet me. I can't destroy their relationship. I shouldn't even met her in first place.
The door opened as I put my ear against the tree built door and tried to eavesdrop as much as possible. Footsteps were heard.
"Baby~ i told you it was nobody"
Mika's voice made the butterflies in my heart fly higher as my cheeks turned red, but her words made my heart scatter. I was a nobody in her eyes.
"Don't even try to baby me, mika–who was he tell me?!"
The boy's disappointed voice cracked in the middle of shouting that as I heard a sob and Mika apologising, only feeling secondhand guilt. She didn't mean to. I forced her.
"Oppa, it was just a frie–"
"Did you have to follow a male friend into the male changing room?!"
"I–I.."
Silence. She knew he was right. I knew he was right. We did wrong. I forced her to come, by texting her. But she did willingly come here, right?
Soon I heard footsteps disappearing as the door was roughly pushed back, gasping at the loud noise. I heard another sob before the door was opened and then closed again.
Both had left. I was just about to open the door but recalled what she told me.
"You're so stupid. I'm not single, I told you!"
"I am stupid."
"Good for you, Jimin. I need to go."
"Listen to me, just once?"
"I really don't have time with this!"
Her eyes piercing through me as she begged me to let go of her small wrists, me refusing.
"You're being mean. I love my boyfriend and don't want him to get wrong intentions if he caught as holding hands, so please–"
"You're right."
I let go of her wrists as tears escaped my eyes. I could feel her pity in the look she gave me and it made feel like a fool.
I am a fool. I fell for a girl who oh so dearly loves her boyfriend.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared at my chubby fingers. I was so dumb. How would a pretty girl like her fall for a ugly, fat and loner like me?
She had a loving boyfriend and family, she looked good, she had talent, she was sweet. I was the complete opposite. An orphan, an ugly boy with no talent and zero friends.
Only fools like me fall for a person like her. Only fools do what I do. Look at the differences between us. Look at her eyes whenever she pity me and then tell me otherwise. Then tell me if the chance to be loved by her will become truth one day.
My scattered heart was aching in pain, my lips trembling from the terrible pain, my salty tears felt itchy, plastered to my red and dry cheeks as I pulled on my black strands of hair, trying to feel another kind of pain.
But the pain from pulling my own hair as hard as I could couldn't reach the pain from feeling broken.
I was unloved.
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third chapter! I hope you noticed the connection already. I feel so bad for my Jimin. He is so beautiful just the way he is and to see how selfless and kind he is hurt me a lot since he never appreciates himself as much. Personally it hurts me too since I really really look up to jimin and how he treats others and his personality, but also because I can relate to not being able to cherishing myself... It's sad :(
