hamilton fluff (pretty much just jeffmads fluff =3)

(part one) childish innocence

         Oh, hi, I'm James Madison, school nerd, also valedictorian.  I won't waste time going into detail over how nerdy and awkward I am.  Anyway, quick description so we can get to the present, I'm shy, always sick, literally only 5'2, I stutter a lot, and I'm not great at social interaction.   I'm always wearing sweaters-  bluish grey ones-  and I have a silver necklace that has a crescent moon- my obsession with space.  If I get nervous, so like all the time, I mess with the necklace- AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY- but only with my left hand, which I'm right-handed.  Even my friends say I use logic too much, but opinions- everybody has one, nobody really wants to know.  Random thing: when I was in 8th grade, the therapist said I had paranoia and social anxiety, so basically that's why I don't talk to people.  Makes sense.

         Right now, I'm walking home from graduation- my valedictorian speech was short and exhausting- so basically me.  My phone dings, and it's my best friend, Thomas Jefferson.  He's really athletic, plays sports- LIKE LITERALLY 6'4!!!!  WHY?!?!  He does occasionally mess with me for being short, but he's a really good supportive friend for the most part.  Example:  when I came out about being bisexual a few years ago, nobody but him would talk to me, because our school is full of stuck up people that think they're better than they are.  He was also there when- oh god I didn't know I could ramble if I was narrating something- guess I can though.  The text said, "Ummmm.... James... I need to stop talking to you..... I'm really sorry."  So many emotions flood my head, I honestly don't know if I should be sad.. angry? I'm not even really surprised.

         'I. Should've. Known!  My god, of course the school nerd and the fastest most athletic-!  Of course we can't be friends!  My stupid childish innocence!'  "oh... that's okay, it's fine =>"  "you sure?"  'OF COURSE IT'S NOT FINE, OF COURSE I'M NOT SURE!'  "yeah, gotta go"  "well... bye then" I'm so furious as soon as I get home, I brush past my mom.  "James, how'd your speech go?"   I don't answer, because it was the only thing that I didn't fail miserably at.  "..James?"  Still no answer.  'Childish innocence, I'm just... so frickin' stupid!'  So I throw my phone and lie on my bed.  'this is deja vu'  I think, plugging in "Waving Through a Window" with earbuds, then fall asleep with the lyrics as my only thoughts.

         'I've learned to slam on the breaks... before I even turn the key.  Before I make the mistake, before I lead with the worst of me.  Give them no reason to stare.  No slipping up if you slip away, so I got nothing to share.  No I got nothing to say.  Step out- step out of the sun if you keep getting burned, step out- step out of the sun because you've learned.  Because you've learned.  On the outside always looking in, will I ever be more than I've always bee?  Cuz I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass- Waving through a window'  I feel my cat step on my back gingerly.  There's a muffled "not the time, Ruby." 

         'I try to speak but nobody can hear so I wait around for an answer to appear- well I'm watch- watch- watching people pass.  Waving through a window.  Can anybody see?  Is anybody waving back at me...?  We start with stars in our eyes-'  That part hurts because I just took a test for the space program.  The only thing I know is that space can't leave, it can't really betray you.  People can.  I'll go with the space, thanks.  'we start believing that we belong-'  I never have believed this, I've never believed a lie. 'but every sun doesn't rise, and no one tells us where you went wrong.  Step out- step out of the sun if you keep getting burned.  Step out- step out of the sun because you've learned.  Because you've learned.  On the outside always looking in, will I ever be more than I've always been?  Cuz I'm tap- tap- tapping on the glass, waving through a window.  I try to speak but nobody can here so I wait around for an answer to appear- well I'm watch- watch- watching people pass, waving through a window.  Can anybody see?  Is anybody waving back at me?'  No, they can't, and no, they're not.  

         'When you've fallen in a forest, and nobody's around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?  When you've fallen in a forest, and nobody's around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?  When you've fallen in a forest, and nobody's around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?  When you've fallen in a forest, and nobody's around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound?  Did I even make a sound?  Did I even make a sound? It's like I never made a sound- did I ever make a sound?'  I don't know about you, but I apparently didn't make a sound.  'On the outside always looking in, will I ever be more than I've always been?  Cuz I'm tap- tap- tapping on the glass, waving through a window.  Try to speak but no one can hear so I wait around for answer to appear.  While I'm watch- watch- watching people pass, waving through a window.  Can anybody see?  Is anybody waving back at me?'  by now, I'm asleep.

( Btw, sorry for short updates, but at least I write [ like you're running out of time] a lot, thanks for reading le smol bean's crappy writing, bye you amazing marshmallows!)