(Warning: blah blah blah suicide blah blah blah blood blah blah just skip if you don't wanna see smol beans get hurt, I'm already sorry)
Lately I've just been staying in my room. I decide to check my phone. 'WOW OKAY A WEEK?!' It's now been A WHOLE WEEK since Thomas and I stopped talking... how come I don't really feel anything? The first two days were disbelief, the next day was realization that I couldn't hide from it, then the other four days were back to my old depressed self. I actually used to think my whole family's issues were my fault. I have literal proof. I made a full-on board of how everything is all my fault. I still keep it in my room to this day, as a reminder not to get attached to anyone, 'cuz I'll just end up messing up again and they'll leave.
'Speaking of which... Where did I mess up with Thomas?' "will you plEASE COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM JAMES?!" 'no, mom, because starving to death is better than questioning your sexuallity AT THE SAME TIME as your only friend leaving.' "I will later" "but aren't you hungry?! YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YOUR ROOM IN A WEEK YOU HAVEN'T EATEN IN A WEEK!!!" "no" 'of course I'm hungry, but I don't deserve food.' "fine but you have to eat!" "sure, just go away" 'ahh, silence, the sound I made when I cried in ninth grade because my first time cutting hurt pretty bad, I wasn't used to it' "...okay..." "Wait- mom?" "yeah?" "check the mail and see if I got my acceptance or denial letter?" "... sure"
'that outta give me time, where's the razor?' I find the razor and walk into the bathroom. 'AH- oww- okay, it's really been a while, well there's one... OWW- two' the whole time I'm trying my hardest not to whimper. 'THREe... FOur... Five, done.' So I clean up the blood and put on a grey-blue sweater. I grew up in a house of attempted suicides, so I got pretty good at hiding evidence while everyone else was just sitting there crying. I wipe away the tears, unlock my door, and sit on my bed with Ruby. "Can I come in?" "Yes, did I make it?" So she comes in. "..... well..... n-" I slam the door in her face before she can finish. 'WHY?!' 'WHERE ARE THE ANTIDEPRESSANTS THEY GAVE ME I NEVER TOOK?!'
After about 15 minutes of tearing up my room, I find them. 'okay, it says four at once can cause illness..... so .... eight should cause an overdose, right? I'll go with eight.' So I pull out eight pills and put them in my shaky hands. 'Thomas was my reason to live, this has only stirred the pot, goodbye...' and as I swallow the pills, the door bursts open and I see Thomas go into blind panic. I just smile at him and pass out slowly, 'finally, finally goodbye'
(not the end. James is not dead. Do not murder me.)
YOU ARE READING
hamilton fluff (pretty much just jeffmads fluff =3)
Fantasyso, don't judge too hard, keep in mind I am a kid that just ships things also, random thing, I'm a demi-biromantic so that maybe mentioned, aside from that it'll mostly be just lots of gay stuff so suck it up and enjoy. (Also I reeeeffffffuuuuuuuse...
