Summer [Completed]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

┕━━━━╗✹╔━━━━┙
Sign Of The Times
┍━━━━╝✹╚━━━━┑

in·spir·it

verb

1. to encourage and enliven (someone)

╝✹╚

Imani POV

I'm sitting in a huge bathtub, back against the wall, staring at my phone, desprately hoping it will ring.

Every day witout him is a challenge. Just when I think that I'm okay, and I'm ready to move on, he shows his face, or I smell his lingering cologne on a blanket and I get sucked right back into the cycle of misery and despair.

I don't want Kelly to worry about me anymore, so I can only truly wallow at night. The more she worries, the more questions she asks, and more questions equals more lies that I have to keep up with, and frankly I'm tired. I'm tired of lying, I'm tired of being miserable, and I'm tired of being tired. I just want to feel better again.

I've been drinking for so long that I've stopped pouring glasses of wine and moved on to drinking straight from the bottle.

My once immaculate mascara burns my eyes as salty, black tears stain my cheeks. My hair that used to be styled in a sleek braid is now a series of knots and clumps.

I've been wearing his t-shirt under my hoodie for three days because the smell reminded me of him. At first it was comforting, knowing that although he may not be with me, at least a piece of him would be. But, much like his affection for me, as time went on, his scent began to fade. Now this shirt is just a cruel reminder of what I've lost.

I know it must seem crazy to say that I miss him although we live in the same house together, but it's not the same. Sure, he's there but he's never truly there. Not when we're in the same room. We could be five feet apart, but he still feels a thousand miles away. All I know is that he should be here, with me, but he's not, and it's killing me.

You know that ugly cry, where you're in so much pain that it physically hurts, and you sob so much that you can't breathe and you think that dying would be a better fate than living, because living with your pain is too much to bear? You're living, but you don't feel alive. You're alive, but you don't want to live.

That's how I feel right now. I'm ugly crying for the fourth time today and I honestly didn't think it was possible to hurt this bad over someone.

When I broke up with Will, I was sad, but I didn't feel this way. I feel empty inside, like when Ethan left, he took a big part of me with him. In this moment, I'm more than sad; I'm heartbroken.

The longer I stare at my phone, the harder it is to make out anything legible on the bright screen. My eyes burn as painful tears mix with my mascara and bleed down my face. I wipe my eyes with my arm, frowning at the black trail of mascara now smudged across my forearm.

My bottom lip begins to quiver as I get lost in the endless cycle of self loathing that I've been living in for the past few days.

I drown my sobs with another gulp of wine, not caring that it runs down my chin and drips onto my black tights.

I'll just wash away the stain with my tears.

My phone chimes and I suck in a breath with anitcipation. To my displeasure, it's just an email from Bath and Body Works.

I'm at a point where I'm so desperate that I don't even care who calls first, I just want to talk to him.

Choking on my pride, I dial his number. However, my vision gets so blurry that I can't see the call button.