Divergent Future

Chapter 10

Tobias's POV

My alarm pierces through the quiet of my room for like the fourth time this morning. I quickly hit snooze yet again even though I've been awake since the first alarm.

I can't sleep now that I have woken up. It's actually been hard for me to sleep these past two weeks. So much has been on my mind.

I really just want to talk to Tris about our kid, but I still haven't found the right chance to do it yet. So the thoughts and words that I want to say to her have been trapped in my mind, roaming around. Trying to find some way out.

But my mouth has been sealed shut. Tris has been taking care of Toby, and I've been trying to finish up my album. Also, I've been trying to work on some songs that aren't going on the album. Songs to just let out some more emotions about things that the public cannot know about.

I honestly don't even want to get out of bed today. I just want to wrap myself up like a burrito in these blankets and drown in my own tears and thoughts.

I have cried a lot recently. I mean, I cry over a picture of the two of us every night, but now, I will just lay in my bed with tears streaming down my face. It feels like tears have become a new best friend of mine.

I've spent more time with them than I have with actual people recently. I've only came out of my room to either eat or do something with the gang.

But the gang hasn't done much either. Tris is busy with our kid, I'm busy with my music, Niall and Harry are busy with sleep, and everyone else has been busy with school.

And I'm glad.

Because that actually gives me an excuse to stay locked up in my room. I've just been so down in the dumps.

All I want to do is talk to Tris about everything that happened. All I want is for my own son to know that I am his father and that I'm here and that I love him. All I want is to be back in their lives and be a family.

But I don't know how to get the words out.

The right time doesn't seem to pop up anymore. Sure, I have gone down to Tris's penthouse a few days to just relax and try to help out with my kid. And I keep telling myself that I'm going to talk to her.

But each time that Toby fell asleep, and I was going to finally open up my mouth, I looked at her face, and my mouth felt like it was glued shut. She always looked so tired and drained, on the brink of falling asleep. Which she did several times while I was there since she knew I could watch Toby if he woke up.

I could see that she really needed some rest, and I was not going to deprive her of that.

And even though I really want to address this whole situation, I think a part of me is afraid that talking about it isn't even going to fix anything. I'm afraid that the whole truth is going to be so much, and we won't be able to come together as a family. What if it drives us away from each other?

That can't happen. We were just miraculously thrown back in the same place, so we can't be driven away from each other. That can't happen.

That's when I realize that once again, I'm crying. And instead of being sad like I have been for quite a long time, I get angry at those silent tears that are falling down my face.

Why am I like this? Why am I wallowing in all of this pity? Why can't I just open my mouth and let these words out? Out of my head and out in the open. It feels like they're killing me. Taking turns. Stabbing me. Making sure that I never forget about what's going on. And sometimes it feels like they aren't even taking turns. They just stab at the same time, trying to tear me apart and ruin me from the inside out.