RC.

Ch8 ....... G

I keep pressing on Lisa's name on my phone and hanging up again.

I need to talk to someone, I've been on the brink of tears ever since I got home.

I may have put on a brave face today, but it was a very fragile one. I just want to hide under the blanket and spend my evening crying.

(It would do me good.)

Even if crying won't take me back in time or change Ryan it can help me feel a little better.

It's no use...

I cried enough over my parents' death to know that it doesn't change anything, except making you sink deeper into sadness. Especially if you're alone.

I decide on calling my friend. I let it ring for a moment and fall on her voicemail box.

I press my phone against my chest and stare at the celling.

I feel lonely. So lonely ...

I curl up on the sofa and look out at the clear night sky. I slowly pull up my little blanket.

(I just want to stay like this forever.)

I suddenly feel like I want to stay here forever. Alone. At home. Away from the cruelty of men. Or rather of one man.

A tear pearls on my cheek, then another. I sniff.

Suddenly my phone rings, it's Lisa calling back. I hesitate for a moment before picking up.

Lisa:"Hey, there sweetie!"

T:"Hello..."

My voice is shaky, unrecognisable.

Lisa:"...Is everything okay ?"

The dreaded question, one that should never be asked when things aren't good.

T:"No, it's not."

The last word gets caught in a hiccup caused by my sobbing.

Lisa:"Oh ... what's wrong gorgeous? Is it Jenny that who get you in this state?"

I feel Lisa ready to put on her armour to avenge me.

T:"No..."

Lisa:"Ryan...?"

T:"Yes..."

This time, my voice distorts pathetically.

Lisa:"You want me to come round? I can catch a bus and in half an hour I'm with you."

Lisa, always there for me...

T:"No ... I just wanted to have you on the phone."

I can tell that she disapproves but she doesn't insist.

Lisa:"Well ... what happened?"

T:"It's so pitiful that I'm almost ashamed to tell you."

Lisa:"Sweetie ... You know you can tell me anything."

I sigh half crying. My mobile's screen is soaking as well as my blanket.

T:"The place where he took me the first time, where I thought it was his home ..."

I pause. I close my eyes trying to control my sobs.

T:"It was his bachelor pad. A place where he takes them all! It's not where he really lives ..."

Lisa:"Oh no..."

(I had a hard time believing it too.)

T:"I couldn't believe it either. I thought ..."

I don't finish it, got lost in thoughts for a sec.

Lisa:"Did he explain?"

T:"He tried to, but I really didn't want to listen to him."

Lisa:"Did you find out last night?"

T:"Yeah..."

Lisa:"Why didn't you tell me about it today?"

T:"I thought I could manage, I thought wrong. Anyway, I didn't want to spoil your day at work with my love life."

Lisa:"What are you going to do about the job?"

T:"I'm going to try to continue, but I'm not sure I'll manage to work for him like before, not after what happened..."

Lisa:"Did you talk to him about it?"

T:"He apologised and he doesn't seem to want me to leave."

Lisa:"Myeah..."

T:"You were right Lisa ... I should never have ventured on that ground with him."

She lets out a little bitter laugh.

Lisa:"If our hearts always pushed us down the right tracks, it'd be too easy!"

She manages to force a smile out of me despite my state.

T:"Tomorrow there is an opening ceremony, he wants me to be there."

Lisa:"Will you?"

T:"I think so. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of letting it drop, or that he thinks I had feelings for him."

Lisa:"I think it would be wise for you to rest."

T:"I don't want to seem weak ... I already cried in Jake's arms yesterday."

Lisa:"You should have called me!"

I remain silent for a moment and I hear Lisa sigh on the other end of the line.

It looks like we're going to be talking for a long time, probably a good part of the night. But she's the only one who manages to relieve the pain a little ...