RC.

Ch11 ..... E

With his reaction, my heart smashes into smithereens. A sharp pain seizes it and crushes it like in a vice.

I thought as much.

I knew he wouldn't jump from joy and spin me around in his arms like in the movies!

His lips twist several times to form words but no sound comes out. He seems speechless.

And for him, it's very rare!

I prefer not to say anything and let him absorb the news.

Rushing him won't help anything. It'd probably just make him react immoderately and destructively.

But he can't keep me away like that. We're gonna have to discuss it and decide together.

He's turning pale. He takes a step backwards, holding his forehead in his hand.

R:"Wait ... You're ..."

R:"You're not on the pill?"

T:"No..."

This time his eyes open wide.

R:"And when exactly were you thinking of telling me?"

(I calm things down.)

T:"I ... I didn't find it necessary to tell you ... I'm always careful when calculating the days of ovulation..."

R:"Fucking hell Tayla... "

He starts pacing around, brushing a hand through his hair.

R:"Have you done a blood test?"

T:"I did it this morning ... Lisa came with me ... I should have the results by tonight."

R:"Lisa? So you've already talked to someone about it?"

(What, is he afraid for his reputation or something?)

T:"Yes, I told a friend. I needed support Ryan."

It's very clear! He doesn't want this child! He doesn't even want anyone to know!

T:"And obviously, considering your reaction, I'm going to need my friends! Thank's for showing me how much you hope the blood test is negative!"

My voice breaks.

R:"What do we do if it's positive?"

T:"I don't know !"

R:"Yet we're gonna have to make a decision Tayla!"

T:"I think I know that!"

R:"I know a very good doctor who can..."

T:"Ryan, please, if you could avoid rushing me!"

I'm revolted...

I know deep down, even if it scares me, I'd hoped Ryan would reassure me and I wish he'd been happy about it.

I know I'm gonna lose him.

Ryan takes a deep breath.

R:"Ok ... We'll go back to yours and I'll wait for the results with you."

I don't like his paternalistic tone. You'd think that I'm solely responsible!

T:"Ryan, you're as guilty as I am in this, so please avoid the moralistic tone."

He stares at me for a moment, I feel that he's holding himself back. And I know it's only because he holds a special place for me in his heart.

A place that suddenly seem to me to be very fragile.

R:"You don't want to go home?"

T:"I want to keep walking a bit, I don't feel like going home so soon just to mill it over while waiting for the call from the lab."

R:"Ok."

Ryan's tone is cold. I can't tell if he's angry, shocked or nervous ...

We resume walking in silence. But the atmosphere has become heavy ...