RC.

Ch9 ..... E

I know all too well the weight of past wounds. The burden, that we carry with us throughout our lives and which comes back to mimd regularly.

T:"I know it's hard. You can't forgive them, I can't even forgive myself ..."

Two piercing grey eyes plunge into mine.

R:"Forgive yourself what?"

T:"Still being alive."

At last! I finally got it out! And not to any old person!

(I feel better.)

Strangely, I feel a little relieved. It is as if I were pulling out a large venomous lizard from its cage.

T:"I can't help but tell myself that I should have been with them on that plane that day.

T:"Why wasn't I with them? What's the meaning of it all?"

Ryan stays silent for a few seconds. I know he's analysing what I'm saying.

R:"You're asking too many questions ..."

(This is my big problem!)

T:"Oh. Let me introduce you to Tayla. Number one in the field!"

He smiles at me kindly. This protective and understanding side, in this impressive and authoritarian man, has always intrigued me and fascinated me.

R:"It's good  to ask yourself questions, but not that they submerge you this way."

T:"You want to know something, you're better than a shrink!"

I don't really want to continue feeling sorry for myself. I've already taken a big step today!

He laughs only this time wholeheartedly. Which suits me.

(And his laugh is worth every anti-depressant in the world!)

R:"I could reconvert ..."

T:"No doubt it would work for you ... You'd probably have a lot of women clients!"

R:"Do you think I know how to talk to women?"

He appears proud of himself, but I put him straight.

T:"I think you shouldn't flatter yourself, you're not THAT good, but you are terribly sexy and attractive."

R:"Mmh ..."

He smiles at me maliciously. Taking a step closer.

R:"Now I'm really considering it..."

T:"No way! I'm keeping the great Ryan Carter to myself!"

R:"Selfish."

I grab his arm and I huddle up to him.

T:"I don't care."

R:"Uh-huh ..."

An impish smile floats on his lips.

R:"I already have enough work with you ... I wouldn't have enough energy for other women ..."

I nudge him in the shoulder, which makes him laugh.

His mocking air give me an irresistible urge to push him into the water!

I grab hold of his waist and I force with all my might to make him topple into the waves. He barely moves his right foot. My attempt fails pathetically.

R:"What are you trying to do?"

T:"Uh... Nothing. I just lost my balance."

R:"Oh? Is that so? You didn't just try to push me in, did you?"

T:"No..."

R:"That would be very presumptuous of you, young lady."

His eyes sparkle.

T:"I..."

Before I can finish my sentence, his two big hands wrap themselves around my waist and my feet lift up off the ground! The horizon looks strange from here as he heaves me onto his shoulder.

T:"RYAN, PUT ME DOWN!!"

R:"Uhm ... Let me think about that ..."

R:"No."

He walks into the waves, wetting the bottom of his trousers, all the while holding me firmly up against him.

(Try to coax him.)

T:"Throwing an innocent young girl in the water, it's not very gentleman like!"

R:"An innocent girl? You...? Well tried..."

(Argh he annoys me!!)

T:"Yes, perfectly! I ..."

Suddenly my whole body tumbles down!