RC.

Ch9 ................... S

We drive in frosty silence ...

Ryan seems determined to stay pigheaded and I am determined not to let him crush me!

R:"I'll drop you off at your place."

The sentence echos in this small stifling space. All sweetness has deserted his voice.

(I don't stand up to him anymore ...)

T:"Just do what you want."

I can hardly articulate my last words, and stare at the road ahead.

R:"There'll be agent and journalists all over the place at the Corporation."

R:"I have enough of my plate as it is without having to deal with the problem of taking you there with me."

(Great ...So what does that make me?  Another liability ...)

(I tell him to get lost.)

T:"I would have preferred something like: I don't want to put you in danger ... or ... I don't want to get you involved ..."

T:"But no, I'm just another problem to solve, is that it?"

He sighs loudly. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm pushing him over the edge.

R:"You're not a problem since there's a solution. I'm taking you home. And that's final."

What the hell is that lousy dictator tone of voice?!

T:"Well your little problem," says screw you!""

My anger is such that I became rude! The conversation is already heated! If he want to use that tone, I can too!!

R:"Prefect."

I laugh nervously. For now, it's the only thing that stops me from bursting into tears ...

T:"Stop the car now! I'll get home on my own."

R:"Yes of course ... I'll just drop you in the middle of a fast lane ..."

I feel so hurt that he could drop me off in the middle of a ditch full of snakes, that I'd feel better!

I sink a little deeper into my seat.

As we get to my street, Ryan pulls over without even cutting the engine.

He doesn't even look at me. I feel like excess baggage you just want to get rid of.

R:"Your suitcase is in the trunk."

(Answer him in the same tone.)

T:"I know, thanks."

His attitude is so confusing that I stop for a moment staring at him.

But nothing! His metallic eyes stays fixed on something in front of him, and I get a slap in the face.

Ryan is either on fire or ice cold. Never lukewarm. As much as the first of his facets is intoxicating, the other perforates your heart.

I sigh open the door abruptly to get out of his car.

Once outside I bend over to speak to him one last time.

T:"Ryan, someday I hope you'll realise how hurtful you can be.

I don't give him the chance to reply and I slam the door in his face! A dangerous lump is forming in my throat.

I couldn't care less if his Aston Martin is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars! To tell the truth, if I damage it's door a little, it would make my day!

I go to the trunk and pull it open. I grab my suitcase and leave. He'll close the damn trunk of his fucking luxury car if he feels like it!

He can just go to hell!!

I walk with my head high, but my heart crumbles at each step that I make towards my apartment building. I dont look back to watch him close his trunk, I'm too afraid to.

(How I ache!)

I'm in pain! To take such an undeserved beating is unbearable!

I hate him! Him and the dreams he put in my head to only tear them away from me!

                                ◇ ◇ ◇

I chuck the suitcase in the hallway and run to throw myself onto the sofa and hide under the cushions!

T:"Fucking hell! Fucking hell! Fucking hell!!!!!"

I bang my fist against the fabric as if it could relieve me of some of the pain I'm feeling!

How can he put me through such emotional turmoil?! Does he at least realise what he's doing to me?!

(Surely not!)

No ! He's just an egoistic asshole who doesn't care much about hurting others!!

I dare to hope that... it's his anger that makes him so horrible...

My eyes are wet with tears! I can let go at last, safe within the boundaries of my own reassuring home.

I want to scream! To smack the cushion hard! To bite something!

After a few minutes, my exasperation subsides and I begin to think again.

I don't know what worries me the most ... The probable end of my relationship with Ryan or Jake's supposed implication in the threats Ryan's been getting ...

In trusting Jake, I probably screwed everything with Ryan. The latter isn't a man who forgives easily... But hell, he's not exactly Lily-white either!