RC.

Ch9 ... C

After a few minutes, Ryan comes back with two glasses in his hand. He's changed into more comfortable clothes but still looks elegant.

R:"Here, have a drink."

T:"Thank you."

I don't really know what to say as I find myself in this sort of place. My heart tightens as I think of his loft in New York and it's ... utility.

(This is ancient history.)

But I return quickly to the present. It's behind us now.

As if he senses my trouble, he holds out his hand inviting me to get up.

R:"Let's walk a bit on the beach before the sun sets?"

T:"With pleasure."

We go down a flight of steps leading to a crosstie. Before I put my feet on the sand, I halt.

T:"Hold on."

I leave my shoes, which are beginning to hurt, and let my little feet breathe the sea air!

T:"Aaaah, I've been dreaming about it since we left!"

He does the same, then he puts an arm around my waist and lays a delicate kiss on my temple.

I like it when he's tender.

This gentle gesture touches me at the same time that it surprises me. I love this new kind of tenderness between us, far from our constant battles.

(I also love him less tame.)

The gesture moves me, but somewhere I believe that Ryan will always be untamable. One of those men who doesn't pour out tender gestures but rather fiery kisses.

He takes my hand in his, walking at my pace. We're not the only ones going for a  stroll at dusk.

Some people are walking along the waters edge. A young woman playing with her dog, while another older one looking at her son as he finishes off his sand castle.

For a moment I can almost forget recent events and think that life is simple.

Nice idea but it's impossible with Ryan, nothing is simple. Or, otherwise, it's just a lull before the storm.

(I have the right to believe in it.)

I like to let myself believe it. After all, The real Ryan isn't the front he shows, he's much more than what he makes out to be. And I'm sure that he nurtures simple life aspirations.

I take a look at his house which stands at the bottom of the beach.

T:"Did you inherit the house?"

R:"No. It's the first thing I bought when I received my first dividends."

R:"My mother often took Jenny and me to the sea."

R:"I like to be here, listening to the constant flow of the waves, I find it reassuring ..."

R:"Walking in the sand ..."

Ryan's eyes light up as they meet with the rays of the setting sun. I never tire of admiring him ...

T:"What happened to your mother?"

R:"Oh ... You sure you want to bring that up now?"

He raises an eyebrow and gives me a shy smile.

T:"I've got plenty of time."

T:"Only if you want to."

It's as if, for both of us, the sea encourages sharing secrets...

R:"She became very ill."

I see the muscles in his jaws contract as we continue to walk slowly.

He stops and faces the sea as if to give himself courage. The water gently tickles our feet.

R:"Damn illness ..."

I automatically tighten my hand around his to show him I understand.

R:"It got the better of her, yet she was the strongest woman I ever knew."

He turns to me for a moment and plunges his shining- eyes into mine.

R:"I find some of her strength in you, at times ..."

(I'm touched.)

That's the kind of remark that goes straight to my heart. His passionate side sometimes reminds me of Dad ...

T:"Is that why your grandparents brought you and Jenny up?"

R:"My father's parents."

T:"Oh..."

He looks at me, a bitter smile on his face.

R:"I don't consider those people as family."

I frown to show my misunderstanding. What happened for him to talk about them like that?

He shakes his head, a small grin on his lips.

R:"I think you can safely say, Miss White, that you know how to make me talk!"

I shruge my shoulders looking contrite. I'm not trying to worm it out of him. I just like to listen.

And if I can relive a little of his pain, it's all the better.

He sighs heavily, throwing a pebble into the waves.

R:"It took me several years to understand ... It took me a while to accept the fact that I had to live with them."

His voice is disillusioned, almost faded. My heart tightens.

I may have gone too far.

(I don't like to see him like that.)

R:"If my mother had been able to pay for the treatments, things might have been different."

T:"What do you mean? Didn't she have access to treatment and health care?"

R:"She was already struggling to make ends meet, to bring Jenny and I up properly, so paying for overpriced treatments wasn't her priority."

R:"My father's parents, who had a lot of money, only saw her as a little bloodsucker who had charmed their son for the sole purpose of being maintained."

R:"They didn't lift a finger to help her."

How awful! ... I hold the lump that is forming in my throat back. Ryan stays silent for a moment, staring at the sun's reflection on the calm sea.

I never imagined he had such a tormented past.