365 days of Darkness (pt. 2) // Z.M.

Day 240

March 19th, 2010

That morning, I got dressed up like I was going to school. I got downstairs to eat something and, as soon as I heard my Mom leaving for work, I rushed upstairs. 

- Zayn ! Waliyha screamed from the kitchen.

But she never went after me and I was glad. I didn't wanted to go to school at all. I was feeling low, I was feeling like I was getting in a dark place again. And I surely didn't liked that at all. Alexis had kind of broke up with me the night before. It wasn't the usual breakup like "I don't love you anymore, so I'm leaving you." No. It was more like... "I love you so much that not seeing you will kill me." That kind of breakup. We both cried a lot. And I didn't got sleep at all. My eyes were probably still bloodshot, I didn't wanted to look in a mirror to be sure. 

When I got to my room, I let myself fell on the bed. I couldn't helped it, I was just... Empty. Alexis had told me that she didn't wanted me to text or call her anymore. "It'll be too hard, Zayn..." Those were her words. They broke my heart, even if I knew it was for the best. 

In that foetal position, on my mattress, my eyes full of tears again, I really wanted to hurt myself again. My fingers were tracing the marks of the cuts. As I opened one of them with my nails, I started to cry. I just couldn't helped it. It was hurting too much ! Alexis was going away. So far away from me. I was crying so hard, I think I passed out at some point. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. 

I remember waking up by the sound of my phone buzzing against my nightstand. I quickly looked up to the screen, hoping that it would be Alexis. But it wasn't. Waliyha's name was written on the screen. 

"You didn't go to school today"

"No shit, Sherlock."

I heard her slamming her fist against the door between our bedrooms. 

"Are you alright ?"

"Perfectly fine."

"I don't believe it at all. I heard you crying all night yesterday."

Busted. I was still crying, silent tears rushing down my cheeks, ending their ways on my pillow. 

"I'll be alright."

"I heard that before."

"I'm sorry, Liyha..."

None of us sent anything for a few minutes. I was just trying to calm down a bit. For not having an other breakdown and opening back my cuts.

"Is it Alexis ?"

I didn't answered, only throwing my phone at the other side of the mattress. Only a few seconds passed before it buzzed again. I took it and opened the message.

"Of course it is. Nothing else can hurt you like that. What happened ?"

I really didn't wanted to talk about it. But I knew Waliyha wouldn't had let go of it.

"She broke up with me because she's going back in France. But I'm going to be alright."

I turned my phone off and shut my eyes. Damn. I needed Alexis. 

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Zayn is fucking breaking my heaaaart ! I love him, I love hiiim ! ;o