E

{fourteen}

chapter fourteen~

I can't believe I trusted him. I can't believe that I trusted a complete stranger that I've only known for two weeks. I let him kiss me, touch me, and worst of all I let him care for me when I could've just left him. I brought myself into this mess, and I can't believe I'm sitting in his car riding 'home' with him. The only reason I am going with him is that of the things he said. I can't know for sure if he was being honest or lying right to my face in order to keep his lies going. But, being my nieve self, I am hoping that it was the truth. That everything he told me was true.

The whole way home is silent, no words can be formed to express how I am feeling or how sorry Ellias feels. I haven't looked at him since after he was done explaining himself back there, and when I did, all there were were tears and my body was stiff. Because for me this is so hard to believe that someone like Ellias would intentionally hurt me when all he seemed to care about was making me happy. But I don't know at all whether the things he said during the time we were together were all true or just some sick lie to trap me in some sick and domestic way. This is what I am always afraid of, being hurt.

A tear rolls down my already salt stained cheek. These thoughts roaming my head are uncontrollable and they exhaust me to the point of sleep.

❥‣

My soaked eyelashes groggily lift from their safe spot at the top of my cheeks, and I feel the weight of my body lifted and being carried forward slowly. I know that Ellias doesn't want to wake me, and that is why he is doing this like he always does. And even with the warm butterfly feeling I notice inside of me as he continues to do so, I know that I can't trust him right now. He needs to give me time.

"Ellias, please let me walk by myself." I softly speak, still getting used to being awake again.

His eyes look into my recovering puffy ones, letting his arms carefully bring my feet to touch the ground. Still making eye contact, I can see the hurt and guilt remaining in his eyes. They have not changed from that expression since the moment I made myself noticeable to him after sneaking around and following him to his secret.

In a way, I am also the lier for not just asking him for the truth, instead, I acted like some silly spy and look where it got me.

As we walk inside his home, I find myself needing to just take a step back from all of this. And so I navigate myself through the once confusing hallways and find my temporary room. Ellias lets me go, with his head down and strong hands beginning to cover his face.

I just need to think this all through, is what I tell myself as I lay on my back on the plush bed with my eyes focusing on the ceiling.

One, he lied to me about going to work, when really he was dealing with this family gang of his. No to mention the gun he held so tightly in this large hand.

Two, he tried to explain to me the truth of why he was keeping this from me. And he did say that he didn't want to do it, that he was forced.

Three, Ellias looked completely torn apart and guilty and I hate that I hate him like that.

The truth is, I still care about Ellias. But I don't know if I can trust him ever again. I can't trust him to let me do the things I want, or to protect me from bad things, especially if he is one of those bad things.

It's just difficult to understand the difference between the truth and not the truth with Ellias.

And the fact that he is part of a gang. The reason my mom is dead is that of a gang—what if he was part of that gang that killed my mom.