So It Seemed // Why Don't We ✔

Chapter 27: Broken Girl

"So, I'm sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can't believe
That anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me"
-Sorry by Halsey

"The littlest things can make anyone broken." -Unknown

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⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠

It's been a few weeks since I made that promise. I haven't relapsed, but everything has become so much for me.

I still like the two and I still can't choose. I refuse to and it's breaking me. If I choose then the other becomes broken and I don't know if I'm even ready or stable enough for that. I hate thinking about one of those two being broken.

I'm sitting with the band in the living room on our phones. My siblings are out, they invited me but I kindly rejected. I haven't been feeling like going out and I knew exactly why.

I wanted so badly to be gone already. I knew I couldn't do it this second but a girl can only dream. I planned last week that Saturday I would try again for the last time. And today is Saturday. I want to stay but at the same time, I really don't. I want to be gone and not cause anymore trouble and I think that makes up my decision.

I sit on my phone looking through twitter. I look through all the edits and ships of the boys and I. Those make me so happy and it's kind of funny for the ships of Zach and I, or Corbyn and I.

"You guys wanna go swimming?" Zach asked.

They all nodded until I spoke up, "I'm not really feeling like it. I think I'm gonna stay inside today."

"But you haven't been outside in so long. I think you should swim with us, Mikey." Daniel said.

"I'm okay, really. Go have fun." I smiled a fake smile.

They nodded and got changed in their rooms. Then, they all ran past me outside to the pool. I laughed at their stupidity. I loved those boys with all my heart, but Corbyn and Zach more.

Jack appeared in the doorway, not yet wet. He sat down and spoke, "What's wrong, Milan?"

"Nothing. Really nothing is wrong, I just haven't been feeling well." I lied.

Jack looked at me sadly, "You've been so distant, quiet, not going outside, and you barely eat anymore. Talk to me, Mik."

I smiled, "I love that you care, but there isn't anything to talk about. I'm okay." Lie.

He sighed, "Alright. I'm heading back out, if you need anything give us a shout."

I nodded and he left. I knew everyone else was outside and my siblings wouldn't be back till later tonight. I knew that if I was going to give up my life, that it needed to be done now.

I went to the window and peered out at the boys. This will most likely be the last time I see them in person. As a tear slipped down my cheek, I wiped it away and headed upstairs. I walked into my bathroom and took out a razor, then sat it on the floor.

I took out some papers from my desk and took them to the bathroom with a pencil. It took a little bit, but I wrote 7 letters. Jace and Kian, my siblings, and one for each of the band members.

I replaced the picture of the band, my whole family, and I from when we all first met with the letters. I sat down by the razor with the picture of us all in my lap. I loved that picture, I really did.

I pushed all my thoughts away and picked up the razor, placing it at my wrist. I knew I was breaking a massive promise, but I couldn't stay. I pressed down, hard. It hurt, but it soon went numb. I made many more cuts until my vision became blurry and dotted, once again. I knew I was heading out of my loved ones' lives, and I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but it was for the best.

I threw the razor clumsily, then laid down and gripped the photograph in my arms. The frame was instantly covered in blood, but I couldn't care less. I became to numb to think, then darkness consumed me, just as a tear slipped from my eye.