Touch Me, Don't Love Me // styles

f o u r t e e n

As I stepped back into the back door, an ice cold hand gripped my arm and I was surprised with this girl's strength to yank me back and make me face her.

"What do you want from me Lily?" I was almost shouting.

Her eyes were glossy from the tears that were threatening to pour down her cheeks. My tone shocked her.

"What are you so mad about Harry?" She asked. She looked confused as of she really didn't know what's been going on.

"First you asked me to touch you then you kiss me in front of your friends? What's that Lily? Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Like do you finally wanna have an answer to your question of whether I'm a maniac or something?"

"No! That's not it.... I was... It's..." It was as if what she was trying to say was already at the tip of her tongue but for some reason she can't spit it out.

When she still couldn't say anything I continued my way upstairs. I just can't do it. I can't risk telling her how I really feel. How she's made me feel all this time. And how am I supposed to say it anyway? That I've been fancying her since I moved in with them? That I've been really watching her... the way she dresses, the way she moves, the way she laughs? She'd think I'm a total creep. And she seems so innocent. She probably doesn't know what she does to me or how her actions lately have been affecting me. Maybe for her that kiss on my cheek was just nothing. Simply a thank you. But in my head it was a bigger moment. It was the first time her lips has touched my skin, it was the first time she's noticed me. So that's why I don't want to do it. It can make living in this house hell if she rejects me.

When I was already upstairs I went straight to my room and paced back and forth. Why does it feel like I've ran miles when it was only a few steps on the stairs.

"Harry..." She followed me and when I turned to face her she was standing at my doorway.

"Lily..." I sighed. "Please just leave my alone. I'm tired okay? I'm... I'm sorry about what I said... I just... want you to leave me alone right now."

"I just don't understand what's going on Har-"

"Are you sure about that Lily? Then why did you ask me to touch you? I think you know exactly what's been going on. Do you just wanna hear it come out of my mouth? Then yes Lily! You got it right. I've been watching you all this time and you caught me. I've been trying to be very careful but sometimes I just can't help it. You just drive me insane!" I gripped my hair so hard just to show her how crazy this is making me. "So there you have it. You probably should be scared now Lily so just stay away from me before I do anything I shouldn't."

She was just standing there with wide eyes. I was breathless because of my outburst. She has no idea just how much I want to pin her onto the wall and kiss her. She should be running towards her room right now and locking her door shut. But she wasn't moving. Instead... she took two steps towards me before I stopped her.

"If you take another step inside Lily I swear I wouldn't stop myself from grabbing you and throwing you right on this bed."

"You won't do that." How could she think I won't do what I just said when I just gave her a hint of how I feel about her.

"Why do you think not?"

"Because you're my brother Harry."

"I'm just your stepbrother."

Then she took another step.

"Don't challenge me." I warn.

She stopped when she was just a step away from me.

"You're asking for it Lily."

When she still didn't say anything I wasted no time and grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up. Immediately she put her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs around me. I turned to the bed and laid her down then I followed crawling on top of her. I've been waiting for so long for this to happen and I would savor it as long as it lasts. I put my lips on hers and almost immediately she opened her mouth letting my tongue slide in. Maybe she isn't so innocent after all.

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