Touch Me, Don't Love Me // styles

t w e n t y - o n e

"Then come here." Lily said.

Sometimes, there are moments when I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or not. I've dreamt about Lily so many times that something as simple as her calling my name makes me question if I'm awake. Like right now. Is this real? Is it really possible that I did not just create this moment in my head. That is how crazy I am about her. She makes me confused between the reality and the alternate world I've created in which she's mine.

I took a step towards her. The anticipation is killing me. And I can see that it's doing the same thing for her too.

"Do you really want this Lily?" I just had to be sure one last time before everything changes for us.

"Yes..."

Then that's it.

I closed the space between us as fast as I could. As soon as I could touch her I wrapped my arms around her waist and I kissed her. I kissed her like it was the first time I've ever tasted her.

In that moment, I couldn't think of any word that would describe how I was feeling. It wasn't just lust. For the year that has passed I realised that it wasn't just that I wanted to make out with her, touch her all over and just fuck her. It wasn't all of those things. It was that I wanted to look into those deep blue eyes, softly kiss her pink lips, intertwine her delicate fingers with mine, touch her beautiful face and gently brush her hair. It was that I wanted to know her, take care of her and protect her in every way possible. It was that... I was in love with her. All of this time I thought I was going insane but really... I was just in love with her. It was only this moment that I chose to finally admit it to myself.

I took my time as my mouth slowly grazed hers. I was holding her tightly against me. Then I slid my hands lower and lower then I lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around my waist one more time and I carried her to the living room. I was pretty sure I bumped something like a lamp maybe, I just heard something fall to the floor and break but I couldn't care less. When I reached the living room I went around the couch and sat myself with her still in my arms as I laid her down slowly . This is nothing like the last time we did this. I am as gentle as I ever have with her right now.

I can't deny the fact that I'm already getting hard down there but this is not the right time for that. Lily and I still has a long way to go. Not just that but... I don't think she's ready for it. She's only sixteen and I think the farthest thing a guy has ever reached with her is probably just holding her hand. I have to be extra careful. With my past relationships I've been with women slightly older than me and I had no problem going all the way with them because that was what they wanted too. This time it will be different. Much different.

I climbed on top of her as I guided her head on the couch. I have to admit it. I like how gentle and slow I have to be with her. It makes me feel like she's mine to take care of. This time her arms didn't wrap around my neck. Her small hands were just holding my face as if telling me to stay close. I positioned myself in between her legs and I suddenly felt her tug her dress down as they rode up. I was starting to think that this is becoming uncomfortable for her. I promised myself the I wouldn't force her to do something she's not ready for. But in the heat of the moment I felt myself become suddenly aggressive. I moved my mouth to her jawline then down to her neck. I think I even heard her gasp a soft "Oh" as i did. My hands went down to her legs then I slightly lifted them and my hands went up and up... 'till I reached under her dress. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. I didn't realise what I was doing 'till her hands stopped mine.

"Harry wait..." She said a little bit too loud.

I stopped and looked up to her. Then I looked down to where I could suddenly feel her touch. She was tightly gripping my arm where her dress was scrunched up in my hands. What was I doing? I was trying to lift her dress up all the way. I can even already see the white shorts she wore under her dress.

"Oh... God Lily I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I'm sorry..." I stuttered through my words. I tugged her dress down this time and leaned away from her. I sat myself on the couch as she did too.

"I was just caught off guard. You were..."

"I know. I'm sorry." I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"Please don't take it back now." She whispered. She was afraid that I'd think this is another mistake again.

"I won't. I won't ever. I just don't want to force you into something you don't want to happen. Lily, if ever I go too far... tell me and I'll stop. Okay?" I held her face in my hands.

"Okay." She nodded.

"It's really late. Let's go put you to bed." I stood up and held my hand out for her to hold as if I'd lose her in this small house. We went upstairs and stopped in front of her door.

"Would you want me to... come in?" I asked because I wasn't so sure if I scared her just a while ago.

She nodded.

She opened her door and pulled me inside. She left it open and led me to the bed. I suddenly remembered what I did in here just earlier. I was glad I put everything back to the way it was. But I still couldn't get what I read in her diary out of my thoughts. Is there something going on between her and that guy? This is not the right time to ask her. I have to tell myself that she chose me. From this day on, she's going to be mine.

She opened her drawer and pulled out a pair of pyjamas and a t shirt then she proceeded to her bathroom. I just sat on her bed and smoothed the fabric under me. When the bathroom door opened and she stepped out... it was as if i was looking at a little girl. Lily is just as tall as my shoulders, she's quite petite and right now she's under a huge shirt which she loves to wear then her long blonde hair was just hanging down to her waist.

She walked towards the bed and climbed on it while slightly jumping. I smiled at her. Then she gave me a weird look.

"What is it?" I was curious.

"You never really smile at me." She said and I just realised then that it was true. I've never even shared a laugh with her.

"Come here." She came closer and slid under the thick sheets and laid down. I looked down to her and she tapped the space next to her, inviting me to lay down as well. So I did. I usually sleep in just a boxer but I'm not sure if that's a good idea right now.

We laid next to each other in silence for a while. Then her soft voice broke it.

"What would mom say?" The thought scared me.

"Lily, listen to me." I looked at her beside me and she was listening intently. "We don't tell mom. Okay?" She nodded. "We don't tell anyone. When we're outside we have to act as if we weren't... whatever this is Lily nobody has to know."

"I know. I understand. So it's out little secret then?"

"Yes Lily. We can't risk it."

"Okay." Then she just smiled.

"Go to sleep now." I shifted and faced her then I touched her face.

Her eyes closed and she slowly drifted to sleep. I can't remember how long I was watching her and thinking that I don't want to lose her when I just got her. When she just became mine.