Touch Me, Don't Love Me // styles

f i f t y - t h r e e

"What's wrong, Harry?" Lily was standing on my doorway with her cructches. I've just finished showering and have already put on a new shirt and shorts. It's been almost two weeks and I've been feeling a little bit depressed. I spent the weeks going to work really early that I've helped open the cafe a couple of times, and then after I got off work I would go straight to Liam's and we would drink. I've woken up a few times with a slight hangover, but nothing stopped me from getting up early in the morning.

I realise that I've also been being quite distant towards Lily. You could say that I was avoiding her. I just needed some time to think about things, like what happened in the past few months. We haven't even been able to talk for a while because I would be gone by the time she'd wake up, and would be asleep when I get back. She's sent me a couple of texts, which I bet she did sneakily during classes, but I would only reply with 'okay's' and 'I'm fine's'. She started going back to school the beginning of this week. I feel sorry and kind of guilty that I've been ignoring her, knowing that she's been struggling being in crutches and having to take the bus at the same time. I know that it's bad of me that I haven't been driving her, I could only hope that she understands how I badly need to be alone right now.

I looked at her while turning down my bed. It's a Sunday today and mom's at church. It's only a few minutes past 6 pm, but here I am, already getting ready for bed. I turned my head around and met her eyes. They were red and puffy. I suddenly felt my heart break at the sight of her... she's been crying and I didn't even know about it.

"Oh Lily..." I stood up and walked up to her, enveloping her in my arms. I cradled her head against my chest and buried my nose in my hair. "I've missed you." How idiotic of me to tell her that I miss her when I'm the reason I haven't been with her lately.

She softly sobbed on my shirt. I ran my fingers through her hair as she cried, I could feel her tears dripping through my thin shirt. "I'm sorry Lily... I don't know what's gotten into me." I slowly took her crutches from under her and set them aside. I swooped her in my arms and led her to the bed. I sat down with her on my lap and draped on my arms.

"Tell me what's going on Harry." She demanded once she's controlled her sobbing. She shifted out of my lap and so I helped her sit comfortably on the bed with some pillowed propped behind her.

"Vivian knows about us now. I guess I just freaked out a little... I'm sorry..."

"But she didn't say anything, did she? I mean, I've been staying with her for a week and she hasn't said a word... even to me." She wiped her cheeks as my eyes steadied on hers.

"You mean... She really didn't even ask you anything?" She shook her head.

"Well she's been hinting about it, maybe to make me open up, and lately I've been getting the vibe that she's onto us, and so I guessed that that's the reason you've been acting so weird."

"I know... I've been acting weird. I've only been thinking, sorry if I worried you too much. I... I hope you didn't cry that much."

"I haven't seen you in two weeks Harry... We live in the same house and I haven't see you." She cried.

I brought my right hand to cup her face and wipe the water that's been threatening to fall from her eyes. I leaned in closer so that our faces were only inches apart. "I'll fix this..." I said, and something pinched at my heart after I did, because I've made up my mind.

"You don't have to fix anything... All we have to do is wait." She leaned her face to my hand as if it could get any closer. I brought my other hand up to her other cheek and looked at her intently, her eyes searching mine for at least a little comfort.

"I'm sorry Lily..." I thought I was going to cry myself. I've made my mind up, and I feel guilty that I didn't even talk about it with her first. But I know that what I'll do is probably the right thing. "...but I have to."