Please Don't Leave Me

Chapter 12

Dean POV

Soon after Dean finished his sandwich, he made his way to the living room. He wasn't sure what exactly what he was supposed to do, but there was no way in hell he was going to let that show. He'd be damned before he asked Cas what the hell was expected of him. So what did he do? He put on the mask he always wore. He didn't really expect Cas to catch onto him as fast as he did, but as soon as Dean walked in the room he was told to drop it or leave the room.

Dean, surprised by Cas's sudden outburst towards his attitude, dropped it immediately and laughed. Hard. Hard enough to gain Castiel's attention completely. The boy was looking at Dean like he had grown another head. Soon Castiel was laughing just as hard as Dean was. The two boys were on the ground dying laughing and neither of them knew what the other was laughing about. They just found the others laugh absolutely hilarious. It was just one of those things neither could ever explain later, just an in the moment situation. 

Once the two had calmed themselves, they laid side by side trying to catch their breaths. Dean turned his head toward Cas. He couldn't believe he was laying next to the boy. He reminded Dean of an angel. Whether it be his looks or his kind personality, Dean was not sure, but he was sure that he was happy the boy was in his life now. 

Cas turned to look at him and he could feel his heart skip a beat to see the crystal orbs staring back at him. They glistened and danced with joy, slightly mischievous. Dean decided then he never wanted any other look in his friend's eyes. He wouldn't deny that he did have feelings for the boy that went further than just friends, but right now he was happy just having him near.

Dean was the first one to break eye contact and get up. Well, he tried to get up but failed miserably. Dean, being the prideful being he is, did not want to ask for help, even though he knew he needed it. He tried to play off his pitiful attempt, striving to make it look as though he was just changing positions. He had never really been helped throughout his life and it had trained him to do things on his own. But now that he had the option of help, he wasn't sure if he should let himself utilize the offer. He didn't want to let himself go soft only to be thrown back into that hell. He just wanted to be able to take care of himself and not have to rely on anyone. Anytime he had ever put his trust in anyone, they used it to their advantage and used him.

"Dean," Cas drew him from the depths of his thoughts. He looked over at him and waited for him to continue. "Do you need help up?"

Such a simple question with so much weight behind it. Dean wanted to believe that Cas would never use him as everyone else in his life had, but life experiences made him leery of humans and their deceptive ways. Looking into Cas' eyes, all he saw was sincerity. He couldn't find any trace of scorn or any fabricated feeling. Deciding to accept Cas' offer, he slowly nodded his head. He watched as Castiel stood and extended his hand to the boy on the floor. Slowly Dean reached up and grabbed his hand. It may not seem like a big deal to the normal eye, but to the two boys, it showed the trust he had in Cas. 

Once he was on his feet, he mumbled his thanks. Dean's voice came out weak and he hated it. He hated being in the state he was in. He wished the pain that constantly clouded his being would just dissipate and become nothing but a distant memory. But he knew that could never happen. Not when the memories left not just physical scars, but mental scars as well. 

With his head down, he looked over at Castiel and wondered how he did it. It was painfully obvious to Dean that he had been through hell and back. It showed in the way he was hesitant to do small things and the stiffness that constantly plagued him. Dean had first noticed it when he was watching Castiel in class. The way the boy had been so still sitting in the seat that Dean had been sure a board was sitting next to him instead of a human. He wanted to ask how he dealt, but he wasn't sure if it was something he could just ask outright. Lost in thought, he finally decided to just ask the question.