Over The Rainbows, Sydney (España Series #1)

Chapter 10

After she had eaten, pahirapan namang kumbinsihin siyang uminom ng gamot.

Kitamo to! Di takot umamin sakin na gusto niya ako, pero takot sa gamot! Nakakainis! Magpapaulan tapos ayaw magpagaling!

But as always... Nanalo pa rin ako sa kanya. In the end, she had no choice but to drink her medicine.

Nakaupo ako sa malapit sa tapat ng bed niya. Staring at her. Wala lang. I just suddenly realized that... This person in front of me is so precious. And God knows how much I want to
keep her.

But just like Carrie, I don't want to give her false hopes by offering her  friendship. Yun ngang pagturing ko sa kanya bilang kapatid eh malala na ang kinalabasan. Worst for me, because I know that I cannot give back what kind of love she has to offer me.

"Are you not going home yet?"

Umiling ako sa tanong niya.

"It's getting late... And I'm fine..." Paalala niya.

Hindi bukal sa loob niya ang pagkakasabi sa huli niyang binanggit. Kaya naman pinigilan ko ang nagbabadyang ngiti sa aking labi.

"Sleep first. Then, I'll leave." I said.

She nodded obediently at my command. She quickly lied down and covered herself under the sheets. Umiling na lamang ako at hindi mapigilang mapangiti.

I thought she was about to sleep na, pero bigla siyang bumalikwas at umupong muli paharap sa akin.

"Are you going to leave, after when I sleep?" She asked me with serious eyes.

I nodded at her. "Yes."

She suddenly became silent.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya.

Then she spoke,

"Would you walk out of my life, too?" She asked.

Hindi ako makasagot. That hit me twice and I don't know what to answer.

Hindi ko mawari ang gusto niyang iparating. Hindi siya emosyonal kagaya kanina. She said it like it was just a casual thing to ask.

"I won't do that."

Umiling siya sa sagot ko.

"That's a favor, not a question." She smiled. "I think it's better for me not to see you for a while. I will not push myself to a person who can't love me back. And... ayaw ko na mapressure ka... So if you can't love me, the same way I do, please... Just walk out of my life habang hindi pa matindi yung sakit."

She said everything casually. And turned around again to layback.

My chest hurts. Everything she said is painful. I don't know how much pain is inside her right now. Pero alam ko kung gaano kawalang kwenta ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa sakit na nararamdamam niya.

Pero tangina. Ang sakit.

Para akong binubunutan ng ngipin na walang anesthesia. Tapos wala akong choice kundi magpabunot nalang kasi kapag hindi, iindahin ko pa rin yung sakit hanggat di natatanggal yung ngipin na yun.

What she said made me wish to stop the time. Ayokong umalis. Stepping out of this room would mean stepping out of her life. And that just suddenly made me crazy.

What about the past few months? Yung mga panahon na lagi kaming magkasama? Yung mga panahon na kinikilala ko siya? Para saan pa yun kung hindi naman pala mahalaga?

And then I smiled bitterly to myself. Nadagdagan ang mga bagay na alam ko tungkol sa kanya.

Sydney, is normally a happy person. Sabi ni Iñigo sa akin. Unlike me na seryoso sa buhay.