I rode Grab to Jia's condo. I mentally prepared myself all throughout the ride for the conversation I'm about to have with Jia. I wasn't even sure if it was a good thing that I only have a buzz from the alcohol I consumed. I should have drank more 'liquid courage' as I like to call it.
My heart was pounding as I stood in front of Jia's door. I took several deep breaths before mustering up the courage to knock. It didn't take long for Jia to open the door.
Oh, God, I missed Jia. Seeing her again made my heart race incredibly fast.
She was standing there with a small smile on her face. She was wearing her usual home clothes, shorts and shirt, but she was still pretty.
"Hey. Come in," Jia said.
I entered Jia's condo feeling all nervous and she led me to the dining table.
We sat across each other and I tried to smile but it probably came off as awkward.
"So, how have you been?" Jia asked softly.
Jia's hands were on the table and she was slightly fidgeting.
I took a deep breath.
"I'm fine. You?"
"I've missed you, Isabel," Jia said honestly.
It made my heart skip a beat even though I knew she meant it in a totally platonic way.
"I missed you, too, Jia," I replied in what I hoped was a totally platonic tone as well.
Jia smiled a little bit sadly. She took a deep breath before she turned to me with this serious look that I dreaded.
"Is it difficult for you to be around me?"
"What?" I asked, confused with her question.
"Because of this c-crush you have on me," Jia said softly. "Mahirap ba kapag kasama mo ako?"
I thought about it. Like really hard.
I chose to stay away from Jia to get rid of my feelings because I don't want to fall for her. It wasn't easy to be around her because I feel so awkward liking my best friend. I really don't like the feeling of liking her and her not knowing. But now that she knows and I'm sitting in front of her, it wasn't really hard. It was scary. I feel awkward and I'm afraid she might feel awkward around me. But that's it. It wasn't hard to be around Jia. It never was.
And I really, really, really missed her.
I looked at her straight in the eyes and shook my head.
She let out a sigh of relief.
"So you don't have to avoid me, right?" Jia asked hopefully.
"Jia, I'm just worried it could affect our friendship," I told her. "I mean don't you feel awkward that I like you?"
Jia shook her head.
"Bei, I'm alright with you liking me-"
"What?" I asked surprised.
"Your feelings do not change my feelings towards you, Bei, as my best friend. I just really miss my best friend. And it's not like you're in love with me at obvious naman na ayaw mong magkagusto sakin, so I'm really fine with it. Crush lang naman. It will probably pass."
Jia's mini speech gave me mixed emotions. At first, I was glad that she's fine with me liking her and that she missed me probably as much as I missed her. Then, it kinda stung when she said her feelings for me haven't and will not change, that I'm just her best friend. Stupid Maki and Cel for giving me stupid ideas that Jia might actually feel something for me as well before we went to the party. But then, she made me feel calm when I realized she was right. I don't want to like her or love her and maybe my conscious effort not to like her will help me get over these stupid feelings I have for her. Maybe it would really pass and maybe it was wrong to stay away from her because it just made me miss her. Maybe by staying with her, I'd realize that I like her as a person but we really are just best friends.
