"Matagal ka nang crush ng crush mo kaya tigilan mo ako, Isabel!"
"Crush ako ng crush ko?! What are you talking about?! Kailan pa?!" I panicked.
I felt my voice going higher each time but you can't blame me! I felt like I was about to hyperventilate!
"Anong kailan pa? Why do you think she kissed you on your birthday?!"
"Because she said she wanted to!" I retorted.
"Because she likes you!"
"W-what? N-no, s-she never told me t-that," I stuttered until my voice became weak.
I felt weak hearing Jia's admission even though she referred to herself in third person.
"Isabel!"
Jia had this look in her eyes that said she couldn't believe we were having this conversation.
"I can't believe this!" she verbalized what was obvious on her face. "How could you have not known?!"
I was on the defensive again with a new burst of energy.
"Because you didn't tell me!" I retorted finally addressing her directly. "You just said you wanted to and for the longest time I didn't know what that meant!"
"How about the night of the team building and I told you na nagseselos ako kay Rosie at ayaw kong nilalandi ka ng iba o lumalandi ka sa iba?!" she yelled.
"That was real?!" I yelled back in shock. "I was drunk and I thought I was dreaming!"
"Nanggigigil ako sayo ngayon!" she screamed in frustration.
"Hey, it's not my fault!" We were practically having a screaming contest. "You didn't tell me! I asked you naman dati why you wanted to kiss me and you told me you weren't ready to talk about it!"
"Because I wasn't ready for things to change! I also wanted to be sure of my feelings. You like me and I like you and I know where that was going! I wanted to be sure I'm ready for a commitment before I told you but I thought it was obvious!"
"Well, you're telling me now! Does that mean you're ready?!"
"Bwisit! Hindi pa ba obvious?!"
"Oh."
Tangina.
Puta.
My brain has calmed down and enough and caught up with processing the whole conversation.
Shit.
I felt so weak I stumbled right then and there.
Jia was there to catch me.
I looked her in the eyes and there was worry and hesitation in her eyes. I think she has also calmed down from our shouting match.
I put my arms around Jia's neck as I bent to hug her and hide my face on my arms. Jia's arms went around my waist.
She said commitment. It was a big word and she brought it out. She said she was ready. I didn't even know she was thinking about us like that. And for a long time, too, if it was on her mind since my birthday.
"Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Tangina. Shit."
I kept murmuring expletives because my heart wouldn't calm down. I could feel the blood in my veins pumping. I could hear my heart beating. I was catching my breath.
"Bei?" Jia asked with trepidation.
"Sorry, Jia, can we stay like this for a minute?" I whispered. "Because fuck, I can't believe this is happening."
