What hurt more was the fact that Jia called me early in the morning to talk about Miguel.
"Good morning, Isabel!" Jia said chirpily from the other line.
"Good morning," I said lamely.
"Did I wake you? You don't sound okay."
It's because I wasn't okay. I trashed and turned all night in my bed thinking about their exchange. I cursed myself for scrolling down the replies on their messages and saw a lot of throwback pictures from the fans. They had too many good memories. Memories I will never be able to live up to.
Goddamnit.
"It's nothing, Jia. Just a little bit under the weather."
"Kumain ka na ba?" Jia asked worriedly. "Kain ka muna kaya and drink meds?"
"I'll be fine," I insisted. "So what made you call?"
"Nevermind, Bei. I would rather na makapagpahinga ka. How about I drop by later to check in on you?"
I smiled because I knew Jia cared about me. But I didn't want to worry her. More importantly, I didn't want her to see me miserable because of how jealous I was of Miguel.
"You are such a worrywart," I said and tried to be a little more energetic for her sake. "How about you tell me what's going on and I promise to eat plenty and drink meds if needed? Then, don't worry about me and have fun with your family. "
Jia seemed to think about it.
"Fine. But I'm still dropping by later."
I groaned internally. Why did Jia have to be so stubborn?
"We'll see," I challenged, not really wanting to see Jia today. "Anyway, what's up?"
I bet Jia rolled her eyes before she answered. I smiled at that thought.
"I don't know if you've seen it already but Miguel greeted on me yesterday afternoon and I replied last night," she said happily.
I was crushed.
"Yeah, I've seen it," I replied nonchalantly.
"So what do you think?" Jia asked nervously.
"Think about what?"
"The whole thing."
"I don't have any thoughts about it, Melissa," I snapped.
"Bea, are you mad?"
"No, no," I immediately said with regret. "I just felt a headache coming."
"Maybe we should talk later-"
"No, it's fine, Jia. I just really don't know what you're asking from me."
"I don't know. Maybe I just want to know if you think what I did was right or wrong?" Jia sighed.
I took a deep breath. Jia needed me to be her best friend.
"Why would it be wrong? Why did you reply ba?" I asked.
I was sure I was going to get hurt by her answer but I also wanted to know.
"Hapon pa niya ako binati, Bei, but I didn't really notice kasi diba hindi naman ako nagchecheck masyado ng phone kahapon? Tapos last night, when I saw it, I felt light."
It was a piercing pain that I tried to ignore.
"It wasn't like last year and during the holidays na ang bigat sa pakiramdam na replyan siya. All I was thinking was I wanted to put everything behind me so I replied. I greeted him sincerely, Bei."
