I did not waste my time and followed Jia back to her place only to be turned away. I had a key to her place so Jia locked herself in her bedroom and refused to talk to me.
But I refused to give up.
"Jia, please, pag-usapan natin 'to," I begged while resting my forehead on the door that separated us. "I wasn't going to keep it from you. Sasabihin ko rin naman talaga sayo because it didn't mean anything to me except closure. Jia, I don't love her anymore. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko so please, Jia, patawarin mo na ako."
I heard shuffling from the other side and knew for certain that Jia stopped across me on the other side of the door.
When she spoke, it broke my heart. Her voice sounded hoarse, letting me know just how much I made her cry.
"Bea, please, leave."
I was about to protest when she spoke again.
"If you have any respect for me in this relationship, then please, leave. I can't deal with this right now."
The sob at the end made me clench my fists. I hated myself more than I hated anything else at that moment.
"Jia..."
She didn't respond but I could hear her crying from the other side.
I punched myself on the thigh, making me feel excruciating pain. I knew it was nothing compared to Jia's pain.
"I'm sorry, Jia. I love you. I hope you know that."
I turned away and gave Jia the time and space she needed because I respected her. I will not take that away from her.
-
I did not sleep well that night.
The next day, I texted and tried to call Jia to no avail. I waited for her to call me back but nothing came.
As the day turned to night, I became more agitated. I knew I was about to lose to myself in respecting Jia's space.
I took a bottle of beer that turned to three but it still didn't calm my nerves. I went on social media to try to distract myself only to be enraged.
Jia and Miguel.
A fan had a photo with the two of them in a restaurant tonight.
That was all it took for me to lose my cool. I took my key and drove to Jia's place. As soon as I got there, I didn't bother using my key. I pounded on Jia's door incessantly.
"Jia! Jia! Open this fucking door right now!" I yelled.
I didn't care if I was making a scene but it seemed Jia did because she opened the door mere seconds later with a huge frown on her forehead.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She hissed as she pulled me inside the unit and closed the door behind me forcefully.
"You went out with Miguel!" I said accusingly, going straight to the point. Jia was about to explain but I cut her off. "Is this how it's going to be? I hurt you and you get back at me by going out with your ex? For God's sake, Jia! Isn't it enough that you slept over at his place before?! And I didn't even give you shit about it!"
Jia took a step back with a pained expression on her face. Her eyes started to turn glassy.
"Ganiyan ba ang tingin mo sakin? Na mababaw at mapaghiganti ako?" Jia scoffed as a tear escaped her eye. She angrily wiped it away. "Bea, tell me something. Bakit hindi pa rin ako sapat? Bakit kahit anong gawin ko hindi pa rin sapat?"
