The Handsome Devil

Chapter 1 - I'm coming

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"Why do we have to go there?"

"Shh... We've already talked about it."

"But.. I-It's not fair! You always do that!"

"Honey, I'm sorry.."

"No! You're not!"

"Pl--"

"I hate you! I hate y--"

Deya leaped from the mattress, pupils dilated in terror as she frantically began to scan her surroundings. However, before she even got a chance to catch a glimpse of anything familiar, her body loudly collided with the ground, the impact forcing her eyes shut again.

A painful groan made its way past her dry lips as she laid unmoving in fetal position. Her eyelids almost too heavy when she looked around again, only to find that tears have blurred the world into an unrecognisable mixture of colours. The way her head was spinning reminding her of a kaleidoscope she used to play with as a kid. 

Her cheeks were flushed and tiny droplets of sweat glistened on her forehead, capturing strands of her raven hair like a glue.

A throbbing pain cut through her whole body, seemingly setting it on fire. However, deep inside, she was well aware that it was not physical pain, making her feel like not to ever get up again.

No. It was the nightmare. The constant reminder that no matter where she goes, no matter what she does, she shall not find peace - awake or asleep. Not after what happened. Not after what she has done.

Slowly, cold sensation embraced her skin in places where it touched the ground. And she didn't have to open her eyes to realize she's laying on concrete, its temperature and smooth texture feeling almost soothing. Enough to make her face feel numb, but unfortunately, not even close enougb to soothe her burning soul.

With painful sigh, she rolled on her back and took a deep breath. It was a summer night and she found herself drifting asleep as the breeze softly caressed her body.

I hate you!

The nightmare punched her again out of nowhere, instantly killing her desire to sleep as her chocolate orbs tiredly looked up to the night sky.

Thousands of stars magically flickering above her, making the world seem like a better place for a fraction of a second. Just like she believed it to be when she used to camp under the same sky as a child.

It was a full moon. Its perfect curve nearly bringing her to a smile. The mere possibility making her internally scold herself.

But just as she pushed herself into a up with a painful grunt, memories of the night before flashed through her mind.

Drinking.. a lot.

As if on cue, her stomach growled threateningly, agonizing headache making its presence known.

The girl bent forwards, leaning her hands on knees and breathing heavily. It was at this moment she realised she's not wearing any shoes.

Running. Another memory of her drunken escapade surfaced and the first wave of nausea got the best of her.

She was running. But where? The girl's body was now shaking uncontrollably as she collapsed on her knees.

Or rather, from whom? Another question popped in her head, turning her stomach upside down again.

Not having anything to throw up anymore, Deya slowly raised her head and wiped her mouth into a sleeve of the dirty rag that used to be university hoodie.

Casting her eyes upon her "bed" that consisted of well overused mattress found near a dumpster, its surface covered with stains of diverse colours and punctured by rusty springs in the centre. A sad smile creeping on her face.

"People like me don't deserve a nice place," she whispered to herself and her smile widened a bit. At least something she accomplished. Finding a home as disgusting as she felt about herself.

Her maniacal giggle cut through the air as she stumbled to her feet and looked across her kingdom. It wasn't much, her bed and the graffiti covered bridge being most prominent. That is, if you overlook the vast amounts of garbage.

Garbage.

The word echoed through her head.

You're garbage.

She heard herself say and the giggles slowly turned into laugh.

. . .

1 HOUR LATER

Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap!

The sound of little bare feet hitting wet pavement echoed through the empty streets of London.

From afar, you could hear laughter and clinking of glass coming from the direction Deya's little body hurried to. Down the murky Furley Road.

Passing, unobserved, a rather suspiciously looking couple hanging about in front of a closed fast food, she turned right and found herself on the corner of Wentworth Crescent and Leontine Close.

That's it.

Deya felt uneasy staring at her final destination. There it was. Peckham. One of the most dangerous places in London. Right in front of her. Gangs, drugs, robberies.. Name anything illegal, this is where it takes place.

Doubts entered her mind at last. Is this really what she wants? To be beaten? Sold to human traffickers? Or maybe even killed? What would it change?

But she already knew the answer. There is no amount of pain that could possibly wash away her sin, or bring back everything she destroyed. But that's also exactly why she does not deserve to feel anything even remotely similar to happiness.

Which is why she finally took a right and let herself be surrounded by darkness.