Personal Assistant (Ryden)

Chapter twenty-three

When Ryan wakes up, Brendon's gone. He remembers everything that happened recently, and his heart sinks and aches even more. He sits up, guilt and regret filling his chest. Of course Brendon's gone, he thinks, he always leaves when we show any sort of affection. He doesn't care about me, he cares about his reputation. He wouldn't-

"Oh, hey, I got you some coffee," Brendon's calm voice cuts through Ryan's thoughts, and Ryan stares at him in slight shock. He hands the coffee to Ryan, who anxiously takes it, and sits next to him. "How are you feeling?"

Ryan shrugs, and Brendon's heart sinks, even if he isn't gonna show the sadness on his face. Spencer and Linda told him about the night before and how he apparently told Sarah that he didn't want to live anymore, and Brendon felt his heart shatter on the spot. He won't let anyone know that, though.

"Why weren't you sleeping?" Brendon asks. Ryan's eyes immediately sting with tears and their eyes meet. He goes to speak, but looks down and takes a shaky breath. 

"Someone very close to me died," he manages quietly, swallowing hard. Brendon's heart sinks. "She always helped me growing up. My dad was an alcoholic and... really abusive, and she'd always be someone I could run to because my dad couldn't fight her or her word. It's weird to be here, because she's not here when I get hurt."

"Like when you hurt your wrist?" Brendon asks, and Ryan looks at him for a long time, body tense. He seems to realize, and anger fills his chest. "Wait..."

Ryan looks down.

"This... this guy, I... I don't know him. He... that's why I was late that day, I couldn't get away. One second I'm walking and trying to avoid him complimenting me, next I'm being pinned against a car and he's trying to-" Ryan stops, hands beginning to shake as he speaks, "he got me inside the car and kept... trying to do things, a-and he would have if Josh and Tyler didn't find me. Pulled him out and pulled me out and then left as fast as we could," Ryan finishes quietly. 

"Pulled him out?"

"The car. He didn't get far." There's a short silence. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I told you that, you probably don't care," Ryan adds. Brendon looks at him sadly, but Ryan doesn't see. Ryan's eyes begin to well up with tears, so he blinks repeatedly to avoid them falling. 

"I do care. You can go on," Brendon says, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers together. 

"The only person who loved me and cares about me is gone and I-... I'm sorry, but I'm starting to not find a purpose to go on," Ryan says shakily, suddenly covering his mouth. Brendon suddenly pulls him close, holding him tight and carefully, and Ryan lets it all break. He starts sobbing into Brendon's shoulder, hugging him back as he shakes.

"I got you," Brendon whispers, and Ryan's grip tightens. The two sit there, Ryan crying and Brendon almost breaking too, but forcing himself not to because Ryan needs comfort and Brendon is willing to give it to him.

Brendon runs his fingers through Ryan's hair, whispering how he's here and how he won't let go, how he's gonna be okay.

Brendon pulls away to reposition himself, so he crawls under the covers. Ryan looks down, wiping his tears, and Brendon sits behind Ryan and pulls him close again. Ryan's back is pressed against Brendon's chest and Brendon's arms are wrapped around him protectively. Ryan cries quietly, just leaning into Brendon tiredly and sadly, and Brendon holds him. He holds Ryan's hand, his thumb rubs back and forth on the back of his hand as the other arm overlaps Ryan's by holding him by his waist.

"You're wearing glasses," Ryan suddenly comments, looking turning his head to look at his boss. Brendon smiles a bit, nodding. 

"Yeah, you can't really wear contacts for 24 hours. Haven't you seen me wear them?"

"Twice, but I never said anything. You thought I was asleep, and-" Ryan stops, looking down because he knows how that conversation will lead. Brendon notices. 

"Well," Brendon says, and Ryan looks at him again. "How do I look?"

"A mixture of things," Ryan says. 

"Is that good or bad?"

"Not to be rude, but why do you care about my opinion?"

"Cause right now your opinion is the only thing that matters," Brendon says instantly, and Ryan blushes, looking down at Brendon's chest. "What do you mean a mixture?"

"You know..." Ryan says, face heating up some more.

"I can't say I do," Brendon says.

"Cute, hot, adorable... just... so good," Ryan says quietly, looking at him again. 

"Think you just described yourself," Brendon says smoothly, and Ryan blushes, laughing lightly.

"I'm not any of those things," he says, reaching over and grabbing his coffee with his spare hand. He takes a drink.

"I don't know, I'm pretty sure you were all of those things when I had you naked in bed," Brendon says, and Ryan nearly chokes. Brendon laughs softly, and Ryan can swear that that's the first time he's laughed in front of him. Ryan puts his coffee down and looks at Brendon. Brendon smiles at him. Dallon turns and goes to enter the room, but sees the two.

"I hate you," Ryan says, and Brendon keeps smiling. Ryan does too, and that's probably the first time that Brendon has seen him smile. 

"Do you, now?" Brendon asks, looking down at his assistant's lips. Ryan relaxes.

"No," he says, because right now he doesn't. Brendon connects their lips together, both melting into it. Dallon smiles and quietly shuts the door before walking off.