Personal Assistant (Ryden)

Chapter thirty-nine

"What time did Sarah say she'll be back?" Brendon asks.

"Around 3," Ryan answers. Brendon nods, holding his boyfriend closer. 

"You wanna order some food?" Brendon asks and Ryan tenses. Brendon notices and frowns sadly. "Come on, please eat?" Brendon asks, kissing Ryan's shoulder.

"I just don't want to." Ryan looks down at his thighs, feeling disgusted by himself. "I don't need to," he adds quietly.

"And why's that?" Brendon asks him. "Because in case you haven't noticed, Ross, you're the most beautiful thing I've seen, and I've seen a lot of pretty things. Even you know that," Brendon says, and Ryan can't help but smile shyly. That's one thing he still can't comprehend: Brendon Boyd Urie is in love with him.

"I'm really not, you know that," Ryan says.

"Get up," Brendon says. Ryan does, and Brendon grabs his hand immediately.

"Babe, what are you doing?" Brendon pulls them into the bathroom, ignoring Ryan's question, then wraps his arms around Ryan's waist and holds him close.

"Look," Brendon says. "Look at what's right in front of us and tell me that it's not beautiful."

Ryan looks into their reflection, thinking with a blank mind. Brendon is looking at him with so much love and Ryan's standing there, not quite doing the same. He loves Brendon more than anything. He's been too focused on insecurities to not realize how bored he looks. 

Ryan smiles and turns to look at Brendon. "You're a dork."

"I'm your dork," Brendon says with a small hum and Ryan's wrap his arms around Brendon's neck, kissing him before wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," Ryan says, and Brendon's smile fades as a saddened expression is planted on his pretty face. He holds Ryan tight.

"I love you, okay? I don't want you to starve yourself or hurt yourself, I want my baby to be okay. I don't think you know this, but you mean the absolute world to me and I would die a million horrible, painful deaths to make you happy."

"You dying wouldn't make me happy," Ryan says, smiling very slightly, though Brendon can't see it. 

"I mean it, Ryan." 

Ryan tenses a bit, suddenly feeling horrible at his small joke. Brendon kisses his shoulder as tears form in Ryan's anxious eyes. He feels himself begin to shake. 

"I'm-" Brendon stops, noticing Ryan's shakiness. He glances in the mirror and sees Ryan looking terrified while blinking repeatedly, tears falling and face paling. "Baby, it's okay, you're okay," Brendon reassures him. 

"I'm sorry," Ryan chokes out quietly. Brendon pulls away and leaves, and Ryan's heart shatters. Fear and doubt fills his mind and chest, anxiety bubbling inside his stomach. 

After a little bit, Brendon walks back in. He grabs Ryan's hand and leads him into the living room. The lights have been turned off and he put on a vinyl playing some Beatles. 

"Here, drink some water," Brendon says in the soft tone that makes Ryan melt. Ryan shakily takes the glass and drinks. Brendon smiles kindly at him. He puts the glass down and Brendon pulls him close as they lay down.

"Bren-"

"Shh, just relax," Brendon says, so Ryan relaxes after a few seconds and snuggles into his boyfriend. "I love you, Ry. I always will."

"I will always love you too, Bren."