Personal Assistant (Ryden)

Chapter eighteen

"I hate him, I officially hate him!" Ryan says as he walks up to Sarah. She frowns, placing her hand on his arm.

"What happened, babe?" 

"I-... just fighting, I hate it," he says. "He's so... ugh, he just doesn't know general human emotions, he thinks everything's a game and he just loves playing it." She puts both hands on his shoulders.

"I know it's hard, and you're not gonna like this, but Brendon really needs you, and I know he will be really heartbroken if his PA walked out because of one incident, whatever that may be," Sarah says, and Ryan hates that she's right. He takes a deep breath and nods. He needs to pay rent and he's gonna have to do this in order to continue getting money. 

"Why is this so hard?"

"I believe in you, Ryan. You're a great person and you're probably one of the only people who can do this," she says. Ryan nods and pulls her into a hug. She hugs him close, kissing his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

There's never been a moment in time where Ryan's wanted this, where he wanted to be bossed around. 

He looks down at his arms, feeling his heart break again. He couldn't help it. This was something he should've gone to Sarah or Spencer about, but he didn't and he left it the way it was. He cut himself and now there's blood covering his arms and falling into the sink. Everyone's asleep. 

There's been so many things building up to this. He doesn't feel happy, he doesn't feel needed, he doesn't feel anything. It's all just numb to him. Black and white and hazy and numb. He needs to feel something, he's just sad that this is what it's come to. 

He grabs some toilet paper and wipes off all of the blood before tuning on the sink and putting his arms underneath the water. He bites his lip hard to avoid screaming in pain. He still winces slightly, then it's dead silent. He didn't realize until now that there were footsteps. There's a pause before a knock on the door fills the air. 

"Ryan, is that you?" Dallon asks. Ryan tries to speak, but he instead falls down to his knees, crying. The door opens and Dallon's eyes widen. He closes the door behind him and kneels down, grabbing a towel before carefully pulling Ryan close. He puts it on Ryan's arms and wraps his arms around him, hugging the shorter boy close. Ryan cries into the blue-eyed man's chest, cries muffled by his shirt. 

"I don't wanna do this anymore," Ryan chokes out quietly. Dallon holds him tighter and gently rubs his back. 

"Just breathe, Ryan. You can do this, I believe in you. There are so many people here who are always willing to help and be there for you. Me, Brendon, Sarah, Josh, Tyler, Spencer, literally anyone else who is here. If you really need anything, Brendon's quite literally always there next to you."

"He hates me," Ryan says quietly.

"No he doesn't, you just gotta get close to him."

"I got more than close to him twice now and he still hates me."

"What?"

Oh no.

"We had sex... and he still hates me." 

"You... you guys had se- when?"

"Last night. A-And I think a while ago when we went to that party, but neither of us remember."

"I think it's too early to say that he hates you," Dallon says, and Ryan pulls away. He looks like a mess. His eyes are puffy and red, arms are covered in blood that is starting to dry to the towel, and he just looks tired yet has no intentions of sleeping tonight.

"He told me no one can know about what happened. He's ashamed of anything we do together."

"But he still does it, doesn't he? If he was totally ashamed, he wouldn't do anything with you," Dallon points out. Ryan doesn't say a word. Dallon stands and grabs some bandages and then kneels down, taking the towel away. He bandages Ryan's arms quickly, then seals them each with two band-aids. 

"Come on, you should get some rest," he says. Ryan wants to object, but Dallon grabs his hands and pulls him up. He leads him out of the bathroom, down the hall, turn down the second hall, and they walk back to his and Brendon's room. Brendon seems to be asleep, so Ryan walks over to his bed after Dallon tells him to be careful and to sleep. Dallon closes the door and Ryan hears his footsteps walk down the hall. He grabs the blue hoodie that Brendon let him have and puts it on.

"Where were you?" Brendon suddenly asks, and if Ryan lets his tiredness take over then he swear he can hear the worry in the raven haired boy's voice. 

Ryan doesn't speak, but instead lays down and stares at the window, tears silently running down his cheeks and nose. Brendon goes to speak because he can see him shaking a bit and can hear his quiet gasp, but tells himself not to, instead falling back asleep.