Personal Assistant (Ryden)

Chapter thirty

Brendon pushes Ryan away and Ryan stumbles a bit, completely taken aback. 

"No, no, you... you can't be in love with me," Brendon says, laughing nervously. He shuts the door. 

"What?" Ryan asks, suddenly feeling like he can't breathe. 

"This... whatever this is, it's over. It's over now, you and I can't-... I don't... don't love you, and you can't love me. This... god, this was a mistake," Brendon says, and anger fills Ryan's chest because this is nothing like the stories or the movies. This is heartbreaking, painful, scary, angry. He doesn't like it at all.

"A mistake?"

"Yes, you heard me correctly," Brendon says again. Ryan looks at him in disbelief, shaking his head. He's not angry that it's not mutual, he's angry that Brendon let him fall in love, that he let it go on for so long only for it to be 'a mistake'. Ryan's shaking hands form into terrified fists.

"You know what? Screw you, Brendon Urie! From the moment I met you, no, from the moment I heard about you, I knew you were just some spoiled little brat! But it's more than that, you're a spoiled little brat who doesn't care about anyone but himself and his stupid career! You don't care about your family, your friends, your fans, and certainly not your pathetic PA who has fallen in love with you!" 

"I do care-"

"No, shut the fuck up!" Ryan screams, and Brendon freezes, fear settling in his chest. He's suddenly terrified to speak. "It's my turn to talk now! I don't get to speak my mind or disagree because then I'll get fired, but I don't care anymore! It's obvious I'm just someone you can... you can fuck around with, you don't want anyone to know about us. You don't understand how hard it is to love you when you hate me! You don't know how much that hurts, do you?! Do you even know what it's like to love someone? Or better yet, do you even understand the concept of mutual loving instead of telling someone that everything was a mistake? What mistake involves treating someone like you love them only to end it all with an astonishing 'I don't love you, this was all a mistake'?"

Brendon tries to speak, but nothing comes out. Ryan's crying and he laughs desperately. His voice is shaky because he's hurt and he's scared and it's pouring out. He's never broken quite this hard. 

"You don't understand, do you? You think love is a game and you played me and made me think I was winning, weren't you? But at the exact same time, you were trying to hide the fact that you were even playing in the first place! You don't want anyone to know about us getting drunk and making out, or when we had sex, or when you held me after I fell through the ice, or when you kissed me all those times, no, you want all of it to be a god damn secret! Well, I'm done playing this stupid love game with you, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's obvious that that's all you fucking care about."

They stand in silence, Ryan's heart and head aching more than anything he's felt. He can hardly breathe anymore. His head is pounding and everything is just red and blue. Pain and sadness. He can't do it anymore.

"Get out," Ryan chokes out, tears falling to the ground. Brendon begins to step forward, pain filling his chest.

"Ross-"

"Get the fuck out, Brendon!" Ryan screams, and Brendon tenses. Intimidation is a two player game and Ryan's happy to finally join.

Brendon, terrified, steps out of the room. Ryan slams the door in his face and locks it, then falls to his knees, sobbing. Every part of him hurts, mostly his heart. It hurts more than when his grandmother died and that makes it hurt even more, the guilt adding up to the pain. 

He covers his mouth, sobbing into it as Brendon stands in shock on the other side of the door. His chest hurts a bit but he doesn't know why, especially when he hears Ryan gasp shakily. Brendon swallows nervously, turning and leaving. 

Ryan eventually stands, weakly grabbing his suitcase from under his bag and putting all of his clothes from the dresser in it. He grabs his laptop and chargers and everything else he has, crying and packing and hurting. He eventually screams as loud and as painfully as he can into his pillow.

((kinda like spiderman in that one scene in spiderman hc you know the one))

He pulls away and grabs his wallet, throwing Brendon's stupid credit card onto his stupid bed where stupid memories of them cuddling come to Ryan's stupid mind. 

He wipes the tears off of his face and puts the suitcase on the ground after closing it. He walks over and unlocks the door. It's a busy day for the crew and most of the cast, but Brendon managed to get lucky and he doesn't have to show up because the scenes they're struggling with have nothing to do with him. 

Ryan walks out and sees Dallon, who stops in confusion. He makes sure to speak quietly, as he sees Spencer and Linda not too far away.

"I'm going home, can you drive me to the airport?"