[CLOSED] The Undiscovered Gems Competition (UGC) - 2014

3. Gold: Oblivia by PenguinsRule06

Whatpad Name: PenguinsRule06

Tittle: Oblivia

Genera(s): Scifi, Action

  

Personal Message to the audience:

Hey everyone, just like to say I'm so glad to have made it into the Shortlist <3 thanks so much to everyone who's reading Oblivia at the moment and I'd really appreciate your support on this c: Thankies, and I hope you enjoy Oblivia as much as I enjoy writing it! :)  

Synopsis: 

❝Beyond the perfect walls lie sinister secrets.❞

In Flo Rein's future dystopian world, mankind has moved up to the sky in a city known as Arcadia, where as far as the inhabitants are concerned their world is perfect, but the truth they’ve been hidden from is far from that.

At the age of sixteen, on the same day each year, all children must undergo a series of tests that will determine whether or not they’re a threat to Opia; the government that rule over them and for Flo, it means defying them to hide her true knowledge. For those who have seen the truth beyond the lies they’ve been fed are banished to Earth; the polluted planet that still lies below, inhabited by mutated monsters.

Caught in the lies that the city is built upon, Flo must uncover the truth; faced with a choice between a world of oblivion and one where no one is safe…

  

Snippet: 

My heel catches on the back of a rock and it propels me backwards, slamming me into the ground. I breathe out in pain, my eyes squeezing together as I rub my palms against my trousers in an attempt to soothe the pain. The raven seizes its opportunity, diving forward until its beak is inches from my noise. I squeal, but it only makes it draw in closer. Its pupils, burning red like crackling fire, grow larger and then they twist to the right like a mechanism with quiet clinking noise. I stifle a gasp. His eyes are just like Glitch's... (italic part) His pupils are dilated, and for a second I think I see something twist inside of them, like a mechanism, but he quickly turns his head away from me uncomfortably before I can look again. (end italic part)

The raven is a robot.

Fumbling around behind me, my hands clasp at the rocks as I feel around the edges in hope that there's one sharp enough to interrupt the electrical circuit that fuels it. One of them pokes at my finger, the tip similar to the feel of an injection and with a war cry I hurl it forward, smashing it into its skull. Electricity surges around it, snapping at me like lightening bolts and the crackling of its metal skeleton is barely heard over the sizzling as it attacks the ground. I jerk away from it, scrambling to my feet as my head thumps; I don't want a repeat of the Appraisal.

The raven squawks, drowning in the power of the current that strikes it and as the last of the electricity zaps, fading away, its bright red eyes falter. Crouching down, my fingers curl around a stick and I jab at the metal pieces as they clang together, sparks still dancing among them. I inch closer towards it, still reluctant to approach it and using the stick still clutched in my hand I sort through the remains.

 Wires coil around the metal like snakes, the frayed edges erupting from the rubber coating and the rusty, burnt out metal edges of the raven's skeleton crumble to resemble burnt toast. The edge of the stick catches on a loose bolt intertwined with wire and I jerk it away, knocking it into a pile of metal scraps. The pile wobbles, then a few from the top slide to the ground uncovering two metal spheres. I pluck them from the mess, scooping them up into my hands and I bring them up towards me. The insides of the spheres twist as if to focus in on me and then I realise what they are. They're camera lenses. My forehead creases, anger bubbling inside of me. Opia are watching me.

My eyes narrow into thin slits as I glare at the cameras, hoping that from behind the screen they're able to sense my pure hatred towards them. Rising to my feet, I watch as I drop them to the ground again, the impact of the fall denting them on the edges, but that still isn't enough. I grit my teeth, the anger pulsing through my veins. "Lights out Opia," I spit at them, imagining their faces as they watch the footage back and then, in delight, I slam my foot into the ground listening to the delicate device as it crunches against the rocks.

For a moment I just stand there, admiring my triumph over the government. For years they've ruled, watching our every move and now I know what it's like to be free of their wrath. I know how my ancestors used to feel before Arcadia. Before our freedom, our hopes and dreams, all of our lives, became theirs. Now I am whole again, and like when I used to sit on my roof, here on Earth, I finally feel alive again.

>>>Click the external link on the right hand side to take you to the full story<<<

   

Panel Comments:

Beckyking87: “Very creative; I couldn't & didn't want to put this book down.”

ThirteenthChild: “DYSTOPIAN. DYSTOPIAN. I am SICK of dystopian novels. But this one just seriously had me wanting to read it, not to mention the fact that there's romance.... ;)”

cookiesandteawithme: “really well written and I enjoyed the plot despite the fact that I'm not much of a reader when it comes to this genre.”

viogirl9: “It sounds a lot like "Divergent" which kind of concerns me because it's not a fan fiction, but it is interesting all the same.”