After the awkward mall trip, I went back to the coffee shop.
"Hey Uncle. I did buy a book. I was anyways looking for one so yeah, thank you" I said.
"Great! well now you can go home, i'm closing the shop for today." He said.
"But Uncle it's hardly even 6 o'clock!" I said, shocked.
"uh uh.Im the boss. Go home, take some rest,chill. You're sad almost all the time, give a break to yourself. You gotta move on" He said.
What?!
"Easy for you to say. You aren't a murderer" I said, Tears pouring out like a flood. I turned and rushed out of the shop.
I ran for my house. My hair blew in all directions as i ran. My face was red, my eyes were puffy and everything around me was falling down.
It's back.
The depression. It had stopped for a while but now it's back.
As soon as i reached home, i locked the door and fell to the floor.
How can he say that i should move on?
I was the one that killed them! If i wasn't such a brat, then they would still be alive!! All i ever did was hurt them, stab them in the heart multiple times through violence in my words.
Never did i appreciate them, never did i show the love, never did i say a simple thank you. Im a sad excuse for a daughter. All they ever did was guide me on the right path and love me unconditionally and what did i do...?
Kill them.
WHY?! WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?! WHY DO I GET TO SEE THE BEAUTIFUL WORLD AND THEY DON'T?! I DON'T DESERVE THIS AT ALL.
My love, my happiness,my soul, died with them. Nothing but guilt and regret fills my heart. I cannot love, I cannot smile, I cannot laugh.
I don't have a reason to.
I can't even visit their graves.. I'm ashamed to. After the funeral, I cut my wrist over and over. I bled. After that, i never went near them. I miss them too much...which is why i go to that road every night.
I can't get myself to go the cemetery , so i throw rocks at the stars. It makes me feel closer to them. And when they shine bright, just for a second, i get hope.
But does it matter?
They are never coming back.
I have no one in this world.
Not May.
Not Mom.
Not Dad.
Only Uncle Smith...who evidently, sometimes, doesn't understand me.
After all these years, i haven't changed. And suddenly this man pops up. James. It doesn't mean anything to me. He's just a friend.
Nor do i want anything. I'm fine with my present state. I'm breathing aren't I?
Ping
My phone buzzed.
1 Unread Message
"Hey June. Just making sure it's you"- unknown number
I'm seriously in no mood for this. I throw my phone away and curl up in a ball on the floor.
Ping
YOU ARE READING
Bittersweet Existence
RomansaJune. Her mother, father and her only sister had died in a car crash. But not only that. She died as well. From the inside, she was dead. She felt nothing. And everynight, she went on the road, and threw stones in the sky, aiming at the stars. She w...
