black & white

introduction

he'd pinned my body against the wall.

he kissed me ravenously, and I prayed to god that no one would walk in. he loosened his grip on me and my feet touched the floor again, and he gently kissed my neck to put me at ease. he ran his hands up and down my rib cage, memorizing each rib.

I leaned against the wall and stared at the floor.
"I'm tired," I whimpered.
"let's get you home."

it was raining outside. he covered me with his jacket and ushered me into his car.

how did I end up here? I wondered.

♤

I was a receptionist at third man records, and I was new when he came in to start working on his third album. I knew who he was of course, but I'd never met him. he was twenty-five years older than me.

it was late one night in the studio, and we were the only people there. I'd been put on third shift taking calls because no one else wanted to do it, and he was there doing some engineering.

there was a kind of strange tension between the two of us, and it was blatantly obvious.

"jane, right?" I looked up and he was standing in front of my desk. I couldn't believe he was talking to me.
"yes, that's me."
"jack," he introduced himself, taking my hand in his and kissing it. I felt like I was in a movie.
"you think I didn't know that?" I joked, awkwardly pulling my hand away and laughing a little.

why am I so nervous? I thought.

"we haven't had a formal introduction, so," he laughed. he carefully approached me and kissed me on the cheek. his lips felt like ice.
"you're very beautiful."
"thank you," I said, sheepish. I'd broken out into a light sweat; part of me wanted him to do more than just kiss me, but I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind.

I felt his hands grab my waist, pulling me from my chair, and he sat me on my desk like a doll on a shelf. he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and studied my face; his eyes were piercing. he kissed me on the lips and I quickly pulled away.

"this is wrong," I sputtered.
"no one ever said anything about it being right."
his lips met mine again and I let them stay, only until the nervousness became too much and I pulled away again.
I straightened my yellow third man uniform dress and held my breath, and I could still taste his lips. "why are you doing this?"

"I've admired you for a while now. you're just so beautiful," he said, kissing me one last time before turning to the door. "be seeing you."

"damn," I whimpered under my breath when I knew I was alone.

that was only the beginning of what would be a long affair.

♤

somewhere along the way, I developed a deep fondness for him.

he was cold and rough around the edges on the outside but he was warm and kind on the inside; I was one of very few people that were given the opportunity to see that side of him.

we had an unspoken agreement to keep our affair a secret, for obvious reasons. I constantly thought about the age difference; I was eighteen and he was forty-two.
it's legal, I kept reminding myself. I knew it was bizarre. but I was completely in love with him and I just couldn't seem to figure out why.