black & white

keep you safe

jack was going to marry me. I'd never felt so much happiness in my life.

"jack, I love you. I love you so much."
I held trinity close and he kissed my forehead. "I love you and our baby and our life. this last year has been full of surprises but I wouldn't want it any other way. everything is exactly as it should be."

it wasn't all roses, though. the first night at home with trinity was a difficult one. she needed to be fed once every two hours, and I barely slept.

"jack, please don't look at me."
I was completely topless because I was feeding the baby so often and putting my clothes on only to take them off an hour or two later had become exhausting, and obviously I felt exposed.
"jane, I've seen you naked before. it isn't a big deal."
"I feel immodest. but I'm just so tired."

"it's alright, I promise. can I get you anything?"
"no, I think I'm okay. I need some rest," I whimpered. "my entire body hurts."

he sat behind me in bed and rubbed my shoulders to relax me, and then he would let me lie against him when I needed a rest.
trinity snoozed peacefully on my chest, and jack was holding me, whispering sweet things in my ear and kissing my neck.

"I'll only sleep when you sleep and I'll stay awake when you're awake. we'll take care of the baby together. I don't want you to feel like you're on your own," he said, pushing my hair away from my face. "I love you, jane. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too, jack." I was drifting in and out of sleep, until I finally let myself go under and rest until trinity started to cry again.

♤

I woke up to jack lying beside me with trinity on his chest, and he was singing quietly to her.

I scooted closer to him in bed and gently kissed his shoulder, laying my hand on trinity's little back.
"good morning, janie."
"good morning," I whispered, reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. "how long has this been going on?"
"not long. she was fussy in her bassinet so I scooped her up and calmed her down."
"apparently singing to her works," I said, smiling at him.

trinity was hungry; she started to cry and fuss in jack's arms. he gently passed her to me and I nursed her, and he rubbed my back.
"you're so good to me," I said, lying back against him.
"I love being good to you."
"do you think we should start telling people that she's here and we're home?"

"we will later. just rest right now," he said, kissing my neck. "after you're finished feeding her I'll run you a hot bath. does that sound good?"
"sounds amazing," I said. "would you join me?"
"only if you want me to."

I put trinity down to sleep in her bassinet, and jack ran a bath.

I laid quietly in the bathtub with him, and the hot water made me drowsy. I let myself doze off in his arms; it was where I felt the safest. he rubbed my back while I slept, and trinity started crying in the bedroom, waking me.

"I have to go to her, jack. help me up," I whimpered, half asleep.
"hang on, hang on. just relax, janie. I'll go check on her," he said, getting out of the bath, putting on his boxers and going into the bedroom.
"is she okay?" I called, trying to pull myself out of the tub. he came back into the bathroom just a few minutes later.

"she's fine. just needed a diaper change."
"oh," I whimpered. "jack, I can't get up by myself. I'm so weak."
"everything is fine, baby. just hang on."
he drained the water, wrapped me in a towel and gently lifted me out of the tub.

"do you want the bed?" he asked.
I nodded. he carried me into the bedroom and laid me on the bed.
"thank you, jack," I said. "it hurts to move."
"I know it does, baby. it'll get easier, I promise. let me get some clean clothes on you."

I let him help me get dressed, and I tried to get comfortable.
"jack, can I tell you something?"
"of course, angel."
"I would be completely lost without you. this entire experience has been kind of scary for me because I've never gone through it before, but you've been so good to me and so caring and patient. I'm so thankful for you, jack."

I'd gotten emotional and started to cry. jack kissed me and pressed his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes, and then he pulled away and dried my tears.

"I love you, jane. you and our little girl. more than anything. all I want is to take care of you and keep you safe. you're everything to me."
I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him again. "I'm so glad you walked into my life."