black & white

peaceful

the last two months of my pregnancy were mostly okay.

it was cold and snowing outside. it was just after midnight and jack and I were in our bed. I'd woken up in pain.

I waited for it to subside and it did, only for it to come back not long afterward; I'd gone into labor and I was afraid.
"jack, wake up," I whispered. he didn't stir. "please wake up, jack."
I gently shook him and he slowly opened his eyes.
"what is it, babygirl?" he yawned.
"I'm having contractions, jack. I need you to take me to the hospital," I said, panicked.

"relax, baby. everything's going to be fine," he said, taking my hand in his. it was then that I felt a pop and a gush of water, and I instantly started crying; there was a lot going on at once and it was all very traumatic for me.
"my water just broke, jack," I cried.

"don't cry, jane. everything's fine," he said, trying to calm me down. "just breathe." he got up and started getting our things together; the bags we'd packed for the hospital, his keys and his wallet. he came over to me and helped me out of bed, and once I was standing, he took me into his arms and held me until I calmed down.

"you're going to be okay, baby. everything is going to be just fine," he assured me.
"I'm so scared," I sobbed, trying hard to compose myself.
"I know you are, but you shouldn't be. I'm going to be right by your side the whole time." he kissed my forehead and squeezed my hand, putting me somewhat at ease.

♤

I was in labor for fourteen hours.

jack never let go of my hand once. he sat beside the bed, whispering sweet things in my ear, occasionally sweeping my hair away from my face or dabbing my forehead with a towel.

"I'm tired, jack," I whimpered.
"I know you are, baby. but you're doing so good. just breathe."
another contraction hit me suddenly, and I cried out in pain.
"jane, janie, sweetheart," jack said, squeezing my hand, trying to calm me down. "breathe, baby. in and out."

"I can't do this much longer," I groaned.
"yes you can, jane. you're so strong. you're the strongest person I know," he said, kissing my forehead. I laid there trying to compose myself for a minute when I was told that I had to push.

I pushed with everything I had until I finally felt something give way and I heard the baby crying, and I laid back in bed, gasping for breath. the doctor laid her on my chest, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and held her close.
"shh, mommy's here, mommy's got you," I whispered to her, rubbing her little back. I looked up at jack, and he was in tears.

the doctor took the baby from me to be cleaned up and weighed, and I was tended to by the nurses; I was dressed in something clean and given some water.

"you're so amazing, jane. I love you so much," jack said, kissing me. I was exhausted, but elated. the doctor brought the baby back to us, and she was calm and wrapped in a blanket. she was tiny; she weighed only five pounds. she had dark curly hair, just like jack. she was beautiful.

I laid her in jack's arms and I watched the tears roll down his cheeks; he was completely smitten by her.
"she's perfect," he said, and she wrapped her tiny hand around his finger. I looked up at the window and saw snow falling outside, and I felt safe and peaceful.