All for You.

Chapter 22 - Exactly

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Chapter 22 - Exactly

— Tris

"Auntie T!" Bea toddles across the room when Cara and I enter the apartment.

That's my name now, "Auntie T". I absolutely don't mind it at all. I mean, my niece is crazy adorable, and we both have the same name.

"Hey there," I smile through the pain of standing.

Why did I choose to take my crutches to PT today instead of the wheelchair? Such a bad idea.

"Beatrice, let your Aunt get around you to sit down please." Cara must notice my struggling.

I've never been more exhausted than I am in this moment in time.

I sit on the couch and attempt to prop my crutches up on the side. For now they stay, but it is sure to only be minutes before they noisily fall to the wood floor.

All I hear is Caleb cooking something in the kitchen and Bea's small feet going back and forth.

By now I know that means she's looking for something.

I know the sound of her footsteps like no other.

I shut my eyes for just a minute, appreciating that I don't have to make my way back to Dauntless after the rough session of PT today.

I can move my ankle with light weights now, and also I can put light pressure on my toes. Molly has me work by sitting in a chair where my foot can touch the ground and pressing my big toe, then my other toes onto the floor as hard as I can.

It use to hurt extremely, to the point where just my toes touching the ground would send searing pain up my leg. Now, I feel myself getting stronger.

I never sleep. I dose off for maybe an hour here and there, but most nights I pace or lie there.

My mind always is racing, wondering when I will remember something else, or even if I will ever remember anything.

I'm always wondering how many fears I actually have now, for I know I am living in fear.

Being in Caleb and Cara's apartment still hasn't grown to adapt for me. I'm anxious because I don't know the area, I have never been to the second floor of their apartment, and I feel hopeless.

Cara knows I don't sleep, and sometimes I question if she ever does sleep herself. Many nights she hears me pacing or comes in from her night shift in the hospital and sits with me.

She's good at talking, changing whatever subject my mind is on that keeps it racing.

I appreciate her and Caleb's generosity so much. I feel like such a nuisance to them, but they're always there for me.

I don't realize that I nod off, for my mind never stops running thoughts through it.

"Auntie T!" I feel a small hand tapping on my shoulder.

My eyes snap open to see the four year old standing there with a box of crayons bigger than her face.

"Will you color with me? Please!" She whispers as if it is a secret.

"Do you have paper?"

She toddles over to the table across the room, the large box of crayons sits on the couch next to me.