All for You.

Chapter 43 - Safe

Chapter 43 - Safe

— Tris

There is no more than a sticky note on all of the papers inside the envelope.

"That son of a bitch," I mumble under my breath.

He was alive just five weeks ago.

I'm shocked when silent tears stream down my face, tears I didn't ask for.

"You're a pain in the ass when you're here," I look up to whatever afterlife Ian may be located. "And then you're a pain in the ass when you're dead too." I feel myself sob by the end of my sentence.

Everyone got a letter. You're not the only one. You can choose to take it, or you can choose to claim this as your letter like everyone else. I have my decision, but I can't force you to do something I know you feel so strongly against.
Regardless—
Thank you for everything.
-Ian

I shove the note and all of the papers into my desk drawer and don't bother covering it.

Taking that job would be like asking for being exiled from the city.
And yet, by Dauntless protocol, I cannot say no.
But according to his note, no one knows he picked me.

"I can't deal with this right now," I think out loud, leaning back in my chair, gritting my teeth for the pain a caused in my side from the injury I sustain.

Amar knocks on the door that I never closed and seats himself in one of the chairs across from my desk.

"Chris was going to run down and get you, but I told her to give you a minute. Everyone got notes on their desk the day he was pronounced, well, dead." He hesitates.

"You alright?" He says after a few seconds and I nod. "I just need to lay down," I say rushed wanting to avoid questioning about the note from Ian.
No one has been deemed with the papers yet, and Amar has to know that.
Everyone expected Amar to be next in line for head ambassador, but by old law the appointed person must be younger than the predecessor of the position.
Amar is a year older than Ian is.
Was.
Was a year older than Ian.

"I'd offer for you to stay with me, but I'm leaving early for Erudite to see George if I don't go over tonight. Zeke and Shauna have Indy and my boy Rex," he refers to his old dog. "So it's a little crazy over there with the two of them and the last thing you need is an excited dog jumping on you. I'm sure Evelyn would let you stay with her, so that's an option. Or else Christina's. She has Will and Rose, but I think she's already expecting you to stay with her."

For a minute I am angered at the idea of going anywhere than my own bed, putting on one of Tobias's shirt and sleeping, or at least attempting to sleep, for twelve hours straight.

Then I think about how it's probably better to be around people and not alone. I recall how dizzy I got from pain when leaving my parents house, and how I probably would've fallen if Amar wasn't there to grab onto.

I badly want to stay with Evelyn. I know it will be quiet at her apartment, and I've been clinging to my mother so much these past few weeks.

And yet my preference I found myself standing next to Christina as she unlocked her apartment.
I couldn't say no when I knew that she had been planning for me to stay with her. I couldn't find the words or the energy, plus she stated that she had already broken into my house and gotten me some clothes and things I might have needed for the night.

"You remember Tris, right?" She asks her sister who sits on the couch, a large ice pack on her knee which is propped up.

"Yeah, hey." She smiles at me and a smile back.