The Broken One ✔

Chapter 4

I was in college for what felt like forever. I really really really hated it. Words cannot express how much I hated it. I was rarely showing up to classes, and when I did show up, I had no idea what anybody was talking about. But see, my dad was paying for it, so I forced myself to stay in school so his hard earn money could go down the drain.

My favourite professor was my English Lit professor, Mr Jacobs. Why do you ask? Well, he was just so enthusiastic about everything.

"I have a question" the girl behind me raised her hand in the room "why did Darcy weep in the final chapter?"

Again - I had zero idea what they were talking about. I assumed it was a book - cause like you know it was English Lit.

"It's quite simple really" Mr Jacobs laughed off "can anyone explain it to her?" Everyone gave him blank looks. "Come on, anyone? Carter?" He glared at me.

I will never fully understand why he asked me. Usually, I'm able to bullshit all my papers and get C minus, but he knows that I never read the books.

I shrugged. "Sorry dude"

He sighed "why did Darcy, the bad guy of the story," he said 'bad guy' while doing quotation marks with his fingers "weep when Celina told him and she loved him" he nodded. "And nobody has any idea? Well, it's because Darcy is a three-dimensional character! This isn't Cinderella where the good stay good and the bad stay bad! He's complicated! Which is what makes this author so great! He created a character who we can relate to, characters that we look at and say, hey I know somebody like that! He creates real people, complicated, screwed up, broken people, does that answer your question?"

Th whole class exchanged blank looks. We all assumed that he was either, a. Hungover, or b. Stoned.

"....Uh no," the girl said honestly. "The question was-"

"Why did Darcy weep when Celina told him she loved him," they said in sync.

"You said it your self he's the bad guy of the story" the girl used quotation marks for 'bad guy' "So why would a heartless killer break just by those three little words?"

"Because she loves him" he sighed causing the entire class to glare blanking at him.

"Professor I don't think you understand the question" I blurted out, causing my classmates to nod and agree with me.

Professor Jacobs eyes grew with fury, right there and then.

"Well, I don't think you all understand the situation" he snapped back passionately. "He wept because he was unlovable! He was the most broken man in this entire novel!" The professor held up the book before sighing "Darcy was broken, so broken that he committed adultery with his family's handmaid! So broken that he drank away his sorrows and consumed poppy to get him to sleep because he couldn't live with himself after he killed his half-brother! That's why he wept people! Celina told an unlovable man that she loved him! Three little words are what you are all hearing....do you know what Darcy hears? She wants me, she wants all of me, all my flaws and mistakes, all my pain and tears, that's what she wants! She wants the good and the bad! All of it! Every little gruesome detail that is Darcy's life! That's what she wants! And that's why he wept" he lowered his voice "because he labelled himself unlovable...then suddenly a woman who was labelled perfect...wanted him...for exactly who he was"

Although I didn't read that book, something that Mr Jacobs said resonated with me. I somehow connected with Darcy in ways that I could only understand later on.

"My point is, I need to find my Celina," I told the guy behind the counter "because she's out there! If Darcy found her I can too!"

"It's twenty-seven fifty" the guy sighed in frustration as attempting to give me a dozen pink flowers.

I hand him the money "She's out there Franki, I know she is"

"Must we go through this every time" he sobs.

I bugged my florist every so often - whenever I would buy a girl some flowers. I gotta feeling he had a deep hate for me, or just found me fucking hilarious - yeah it's probably the first one.

"Maybe I've already met Celina....what if Celina was Elise? Lord Jesus what if the only person to ever love me like that was my dead sister?" I cried distressed.

"You talk too much" he waved off as leaving my sight.

What was going through my mind at that moment? Well, I was scared. Scared that nobody could ever love me like my sister Elise could. Thus would end up alone. Not alone in the sense of not having a significant other or children. Alone in the sense of nobody ever truly loving me, platonically or romantically.

I clenched my jaw as walking out of that shop. I chucked the flowers at the back of my car before driving to the nearest bar.

I just wanted the pain to go away. All my anxiety. Just everything. I guess I thought that I could only find that at the bottom of a bottle.

I stood Sarah up that night. Left her waiting for me for God knows how long as I drank away my feelings at my favourite bar.

"What is it this time?" Barry the bartender asked as wiping the pint glasses behind the counter.

Barry was like my therapist who prescribed alcohol instead of useful advice.

"Elise was my Celina" I looked down and sobbed.

"Right" he nodded slowly, holding back a smirk.

I lived down the street from the bar, so I just walked home - young, drunk, and alone, that's what most of my twenties consisted of.