Regretful desire (Editing)

Chapter 19

I could hear him calling my name, but I tried to ignore as much highly possible. I then crossed the main entrance of the building. I walked slowly retracing everything that had just occurred.I stopped in a corner, leaning on it. My fingers slowly touched my lips, closing my eyes as I remembered every movement made.

I felt like the worst friend ever, how could I do such a thing. My hands then came to my head, as I pushed all my hair back. Tears began to run down my face. I felt like screaming. All I could think about was my friend Clarissa. I couldn't even imagine how she would take everything if she found out. I felt cold once again, this time metaphorically. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I felt as if I committed a crime, as if I did a horrible sin in which God would never forgive me.

I wanted to go home, to be alone. Be away from this place and everyone. I didn't even want to face my friends, especially my best friend. I heart footsteps, and they precisely had to belong to the two figures I wasn't ready to face.

''Caroline! Where in the world have you been!'' cried Lydia as she looked at me. Luckily my few tears that had came out were gone. All I had to do now was fake a smile.

''I'm fine, its just-

''Where's Nathan?'' interrupted.

Memories then came back at the sound of his name. I turned to the side looking outside. His car wasn't there anymore. He had left.

''He left'' I cried, not looking into their eyes. I then had an idea of how to leave.

''I'm not feeling very well, I came outside to get some fresh air but the pain is still here. I really want to go home'' I lied, as i held back all my tears and feelings of regret.

''Oh..we can leave already if you-

''That would be great. Lets go then'' I interrupted as i started heading to my car leaving them behind. I really didn't want to face them. I was a horrible friend, the worst in the universe. Clarissa didn't deserve any of this.

When we all got on my car i drove off. I left Lydia first and lastly Clarissa. Silence roamed throughout the car, i didn't have the guts to speak her. I couldn't even look at her like I would always do on stopping points. I would look to the opposite side, begging the universe she wouldn't speak so i wouldn't have to speak.

I finally came outside her house, I looked at her then, to find her smiling deeply at me. In that instant i saw who I had betrayed. The person who cared for me the most, my best friend since the 9th grade. I felt my tears trying to come out once more, but i had to keep them in. I couldn't cry in front of her.

''Thanks for everything and hope you feel better!'' she said, with much encouragement.

''Yeah'' I replied rapidly. I grabbed my head as if the pain were still there. Clarissa then closed the door and walked to her door. She then turned and waved, but i didn't correspond.

I then drove off, I felt my tears come out once more. I did feel pain, but not necessarily in my head, but my heart. How did I let such a thing happen, how did it happen mostly. I just couldn't, I couldn't. I finally arrived home, locking my car and then opening the front door to my house.

It was all complete darkness. I felt then alike with the room. I to, felt dark. Dark and hideous for being such a coward and a horrible person. I walked to my room, trying to make as little noise as possible. I then came to my room. I took of the dress and my makeup. I put on my PJ's and brought all my hair up in a loose bun.

I laid in bed, tears still running down my face. I felt incredibly stupid and bad. My friend didn't deserve any of this. Clarissa has always been there for me, and accompanied me through everything ever since I met her.