love, it's weird.

5 : angie

kai leans over me and kisses my neck.
"baby if you're gonna tickle me again i swear to g-" i say before he covers my mouth. i sorta like this dominant side.. i didn't expect this. well i did, it's been building up since that first day.
he starts kissing my neck and tugs at my shirt, before looking up for permission.
"can i..?" he asks innocently which really doesn't seem like him
"wait wait.. kai are you a virgin?" i sit up after realising he doesn't seem like him
"uh- i- im not.. but" oh fuck no
"what the fuck happened?" i bring him into a hug and hand him his shirt. i cant do this, not yet.
(TRIGGER WARNING)
"it doesn't matter okay? i'm fine.." he trails off.
"baby. i need to know, i want to know everything about you, flaws, perfections. everything you hate, and everything you love. i want to know you more than anyone else and i want us to last forever. i want you forever, even if we are young." he looks at me, probably stunned about the word forever. shit it was tooooo sooooon
"i lo-" he starts to say
"not this time. i love you."
he leans over and kisses me gently before pulling away
"now tell me" i plead
"well.. i'm not a virgin.. but it wasn't consensual.. i didn't want it.."
he starts to explain and i get furious. what goes through peoples fucking minds. oh i'm horny lets fuck someone and ruin their damn life whether they like it or not
that's not how it works. you're meant to love eachother, care, and want to take the next damn step.
"who was it?" i ask quietly trying not to scare my shaking boyfriend
"he's in juvenile prison, or whatever it is." i see the tears start releasing from his eyes and i hate it.
"babyboy.. shhhh, it's okay, noones going to hurt you anymore, im here"
he digs his face into my chest.
"we aren't doing anything until you're sure you're ready. okay?" i say and he nods.
some people say, seeing men cry makes them weak but that's not the case with kai.
his phone rings but he seems to have tried to ignore it. so i pick it up just as it stops.
"baby... what's your passcode"
"oh.. it's 060418.."
that's the day we met.. he actually did that. i think he's falling asleep on me again. i don't mind, it gives me excuse to play with his hair.
it was hayden so i call him back
"hey dude, did you give the thing to ang?"
"uh hayden it's me.. what thing?"
what the fuck is hayd on about?
"um. shit. nothing. bye." he hangs up and i look at kai.. what was he hiding from me...

*3 hours later*

"baby..?" kai says in a raspy sleepy voice
"yes handsome, go back to sleep. you're tired.." i trail off looking back at him with his eyes closed already
"baby help me" i feel him tense in my arms
"not again. no baby wake up!" i shout sorta quietly not wanting to scare him..
it upsets me when he has these nightmares. i know they scare him after he comes out of them. he flinches for around 10 minutes before he realised he's actually awake.
"stop stop it. lucas stop!"
who the fuck...
i start holding him closer telling him to wake up and rocking us side to side. i don't want to hurt him.
"AH" he wakes up and scratches my arm
"baby it's okay" i look down at my arm and realise it's bleeding..
"baby what.. FUCK. i did that baby i'm so sorry." he jumps up and starts to panic. i really don't care about my arm.. all i can think about is who the hell is lucas?
he runs down the hall to where he keeps his medical cupboard. he never told me why he had it, im guessing it's because he knows he's clumsy.
he comes back in the room with bandages and antiseptic cream.

"baby give me your arm. please" i think he could tell i was hesitant from the look on my face.
"baby it's fin-"
he grabs my arm gently before i can say anything. "this might hurt a little, just squeeze my thigh if it does and i'll stop rubbing it in." he whispers in concentration
he starts rubbing in the cream and it stings so i do as he says and squeeze his thigh a little. he bites his lip and i remember he has sensitive legs. but he did tell me to.
"okay, you okay?" he asks while he kisses my forehead
"y-yes baby, carry on.." i say while looking into his eyes. i kinda don't want him to so i can start kissing him again, i'll admit, i didn't want to stop earlier, but something tells me he didn't either.