love, it's weird.

7 : angie

i wake up.
today is kai and i's 6 months. and we all graduated last week.
but he's not next to me like he usually is..maybe he didn't sleep last night? maybe he got sick from T again.
"baby? where are you?" i ask in worry
no answer.
"babyboy?" i'm standing now, he might be downstairs. i look towards where my glasses are and see a note, it's kai's hand writing..
"morning princess. there's something on the side downstairs, please eat. i love you. -kai"
what could he be doing? it's our 6 months, he promised we'd spend it together.
i stumble over to his wardrobe and pull one of his hoodies off of the hangar. i slip it on before opening his bedroom door and walking down the stairs while rubbing my eyes.
i slowly look around. he's still no where to be seen.. and everything is, clean. very clean.
there's no bongs, no food packets, no cigarettes packets, everything is literally clean.
i go to the kitchen like he told me to and see some toast, still pretty warm. next to it is a glass of water and a note slipped under it.
"hey again baby, i know what you're thinking. where the fuck is he? well you'll find out soon. go to zoe's baby, and don't forget. i love you. -kai"
i start staring at the note. what is he doing...?
i eat the toast he made and drink the water he left out. he's so consistent.
after getting some pants (trousers for you british people) on i leave out the door and make sure i lock it. i slide my hands into the hoodie pocket and realise there's a packet of cigarettes in it with a smaller note with smaller writing. "i know i cleaned up and you wouldn't know where i put the cigarettes so i knew youd wear this hoodie. it's your favourite. i love you."
i smile and take out a cigarette to smoke while i walk. it's a really nice day today. it's sunny and quiet.
i light the cigarette and feel calmer. i know i don't smoke often, but when i do, i feel better. i only smoke with kai, because i don't really hang around with anyone else. only zoe. but never really alone. i remember last week kai got sick from testosterone and stayed home from school. i begged him to let me stay but he wouldn't let me. that was the firsts time i'd gone to school without him and i kept having panic attacks. zoe really helped. she's a great sister in law.
i throw the cigarette across the road from me after it's out. i see zoes house, well, kais and zoes, mums house. i should really say.
i walk a slightly bigger faster now i see it and purely out of the fact i just want to see kai.
"hello dear. i'm not allowed to say anything but. here's this." his mother hands me a small box. i open it and see another note, but folded.
"he loves you angie, he really does." she smiles and hugs me. i smile back and try to hold back my tears. he means so much to me.
i pull out the note and unfold it.
"hello again babygirl. you're probably getting annoyed at me now, but i hope mums hug helped. you'll see me soon. why don't you go to the library where we first read to eachother? mum will give you a lift. i love you. -kai" i look towards his mum again and hug her.
"i take it you know-" she interrupts
"of course dear, get in." she unlocks her land rover and opens the passenger door for me. his whole family is just so nice. they always help when we need it. i mean, my family is great but his family is so close.

***

after a 20 minute drive through town, we pass my house and it's not too far, maybe a 5 minute walk to the library. his mum was quiet the whole way here. probably trying to keep quiet. i know kais got something planned i just, i don't know what.
"thank you again mrs phipps. can you please tell me what he's doing? i'm worried." i plead.
she looks at me with sad eyes "i'm sorry hun, i cant tell you anything... just please say yes."
"what?"
"you'll see darling."
she drives away and i walk into the library. i know exactly where i have to go, it's our little place. i had a stressful day once and we came here and he read to me. it was sweet. the librarian kept bringing us cookies and drinks. it was really kind of her too, i wonder if she's in on this.
i walk towards the corner and look around.. no note yet. hm. i sit down and the librarian looks at me. she holds up a book and opens it. i think she means i have to look in... LOOK IN THE BOOK HE READ TO ME!
i smile and start looking for the book, i soon realise it stands out more than the others as it's poking out more. i open it and see a note on the page we got to, how does he remember that? how do i remember that?
"you haven't drunk something in a while sweetie, he told me to give you this." she hands me a bottle of water.
"open it, what he's doing is really sweet, he's a keeper." she smiles and walks back behind her desk
i open the note and smile again.
"hope you still have that box baby, your mum wants to see you. and so do i, hurry up princess. i love you."
i giggle and walk over to the woman and ask if i can buy the book, we she lets me take it for free and i walk out of the library door. i see my mum standing under the lamppost just outside.
"i'm sorry hunny. i got impatient, don't tell kai, here's the last note. good luck angel, he really loves you."

everyone keeps saying that, and something tells me he didn't tell them to. whatever he's up to, these people like the idea. i open the last note and see a small map.
"remember our first kiss baby? well, how about you come find me where we had it. i love you. see you soon princess." i smile and my mum pulls me in to a warm hug.
"that's a nice hoodie, his?"
"yeah, suits me right?" i giggle
"sure does, go find your boy, he's missing you like crazy." she smiles.
"he's the one that did this, his fault." i cross my arms acting petty and she laughs
"this is the happiest i've seen you in a long time, go." i hug her one last time and walk away. i know the place is around half an hour so i go back and ask my mum for a lift. it's noon now, but i'm still lazy.

***

"we're here sweetie." i get out the car and see the woods with ribbon attached. like a path? i follow it and see pictures of us together pinned to the trees. he did this?
"hey there beautiful. long time no see?" i hear a voice i need to get used to, it's deeper now, but it's his, my baby's.
"get your ass in view right now." i say demandingly.
"okay okay.." he steps out from behind a tree with a suit on and a rose in his hand.
"hello princess, come here" i run at him and he catches me in his arms.
"i cant believe you made me wait all day for this hug" i muffle since my face is dug into his neck
"i'm sorry princess... but i wanted this bit to be special..." he steps back and gives me a little kiss.
"now. i know it's only been 6 months. but i've wanted this since day 1, we spoke about it before... and i think today was the day.. i love you, and you love me.. i need you in my life, and you've been there so much for me.. so.. angela.. will you.." i feel a tear in my eye.. is he going to ask me..
he gets down on one knee and i start to cry.. i feel myself laughing and smiling "will you, do me the honour of being my wife? forever?"
those words. those fucking words.

"kai..."