Smoke

6: Practicing

I was laying on the couch, having walked home from the bus stop a few minutes ago.
"How was school?" Mom asked cautiously, coming out from her room to join me. I thought about being alone all day, no friends or anything, except for when Oliver was there.
"It sucked." I said, closing my eyes in frustration and tiredness.

"Anything interesting?" She asked me, voice quiet.
"No." I said automatically.
"So it was a normal day?" She asked me. I glanced up at her, as if eye contact would help me see what she was trying to hint at.
"Yeah?" I said, voice turning it to a question.
She met eyes with me again. She was worried, and our lack of direct communication was confusing.
"So you didn't see anyone use their powers? You didn't freak out?" She asked me.
"Oh." I said, closing my eyes again, face reddening as I remembered.

"What happened, sugar?" She asked me, moving to sit closer, to look at me.
"I..." I started, a lump in my throat forming. "I thought about my friends. And how I have none in Low Oak." I said, my voice shaky. I could see thin wisps of smoke pulling out of my throat, and I closed my mouth. My heart started beating louder.

Mom looked at me with sadness, and with I was guessing was probably pity, and she put a hand gently on my head, trying to comfort me.
"Why don't you try to talk to your old friends?" She asked quietly.
"I tried." I felt like I was losing my breath. "They want nothing to do with me." I said sadly. "because I didn't tell them I was transferring so soon." I finished shakily, looking at mother with blame. She looked down, away, and I sighed, feeling a little guilty for making mother feel bad.

"Sorry." I shook my head, lowering it, some strands of smoke peeking through as I talked.
"Its okay. I'm sorry for making you transfer. I should've waited until next year." She hugged me, and I hugged her back.
"No, it would've gotten worse if I stayed at my old school. At least here, they know what to do with me when it happens." I said, thinking back to the nurses office.
"You're getting practice. With your power." She said, pulling away and motioning trying to add some light to the conversation.
"But every time I'm nervous, it starts happening." I furrowed my eyebrows, frustrated and worried about the next time it would happen.

"Just... try to go with it, Cecil. The more you fight it, the more it gets choked up inside of you." She said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Okay." I nodded, trying to see what she meant.

"Try it right now." She nodded to me, dropping her hand.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Try thinking of something. An emotion. Good or bad, you choose." She nodded at me, turning her body to face me. My eyebrows lowered into a confused expression. Every time I used my power I would start freaking out. Why would she want me to freak out again?
My heart started beating faster, worried about what would happen, about why mother wanted me to do this so abruptly. I could see thin strands of smoke, could feel them scratching my throat, could feel it condensing into a heat in my stomach, into a thickness I couldn't breathe through.
"Just let it rise out of you. Stop holding it in." Mother said, holding my hand nervously.
I tried to do as she said, opening my mouth, letting the smoke escape my body. I could smell it, smoky and thick and burnt, as it rose through the air. My heart was beating in my throat. I could feel the smoke moving through my body. It slid through my lungs, up, up, until it went through my throat. I was starting to gag.
"Breathe through your nose, sugar." She said, holding my hand tightly. She was nervous about doing this. So was I. I could feel the air rising from my body, and it made my stomach roll, and made me more awake. There was so much more smoke exiting me than usual. I could see it swirling through the air, up, up, dissipating and curling. My heart was starting to slow, to calm, as I got more used to feeling the thick air rise from my body.

But then the fire alarm started to beep.
And all of a sudden the smoke stopped, and I choked up. It was still in me.
I had breathed smoke, but I couldn't feel a lesser amount in my body. It felt just like before, except the air was smoky and I smelled burnt, and I was less anxious than before.
I felt a few remaining wisps in my throat and coughed them out, feeling a dryness and scratchiness in my throat.

I could feel my heartbeat distinctly in my limbs. Mom went to open a door, to get the smoke out.
"Mom?" I asked, my voice scratchy.
"Yes?" She asked, her voice getting closer as she walked back to where I was.
"Why was there so much?" I asked, feeling a burn in my body, a thick heat from the smoke still inside me.
"Because you weren't holding it back. Until that fire alarm..." she said, smiling quickly at me before grabbing some papers to fan the house. "You did a great job, sugar." She said, nodding at me. I nodded back, before getting up to grab some water from the kitchen.

"Will I start to smell the more I do it?" I asked, the smoky and thick scent burning my nose.
"Maybe." She replied, shrugging at me; fanning the air. "Anyway, I hope now you're a little more used to the feeling and sight of it, and won't freak out as much?" She asked, smiling quickly at me.
"I guess." I glanced at her.
"Just don't keep it going for that long at school, or you'll smoke up the building." She smiled, chuckling. "You did a great job keeping it together just now. I'm proud of you." She came over and hugged me quickly. I weakly hugged her back.

"I'm going to take a shower." I decided, leaving the room.
My heart was still fast, thinking about what I would do at school. I couldn't release that much smoke. Everyone would think I had been smoking or something. Or I would just embarrass myself.