Smoke

34: Sitting

Danny was looking at me as some of us sat, waiting for other people to show up, waiting for the time to start rehearsal.

My thoughts from yesterday had continued into my thoughts today. They were stuck in a loop in my subconscious. I couldn't tell if I meant what I thought, or if I was just excited about the control over my power.
Danny could probably read them, and I couldn't meet his eyes, couldn't look at him. Someone knowing what my power was and what I was thinking was one thing, but knowing my deeper thoughts was another.

I glanced at him, nervousness curling in my stomach. His eyes were meeting mine. Even if he couldn't help it, I didn't want him to read my thoughts. Read someone else's.
He looked away guiltily, his jaw tightening. I watched him for another second-- his sharp green eyes, his long hair. Cute, but that didn't make up for any invasion of privacy. I looked away, face reddening, worried he heard my accidental thoughts, which, of course he did.

I waited, trying to clear my head, trying to avoid thinking at all to make it easier for him to not read me.

Rehearsal eventually started, and we went to the auditorium. The space was echoing with scooting chairs and quiet footsteps and noises of the different crews all sitting together, all walking around. Not everyone showed up. We sat in a smaller circle.

"So a few of y- you got the memo." He motioned to the smaller group than last time. "We only have to show up to the- to the later rehearsals. These first few are optional," he took a breath, pausing, "because we don't have anything to do yet. The other crews can get started, but since- since we're just Tech with lights and sounds and effects," he looked at the other groups, the other crews already walking, already talking, already starting and working,
"We can't do anything yet." He finished.

I didn't even have to be here, then, I thought, leaning back into my seat.

"But since we're here, we're going to work on our powers to- to make it easier for us to do the effects. I'm going to work with each of you to help you control your powers." He looked at me, and I met his eyes for a second before I looked away.

He made each of us split up, pull our chairs apart slightly. He wanted us to practice using our powers at school, in this environment. I sat in my chair, mouth closed tightly, feeling nervousness and smoke pooling inside me.

While Danny was working with others, I watched them. I was supposed to be practicing, but I couldn't do that. I might lose control. Might embarrass myself, might set fire to the school, to myself or someone else. Everyone else was using their powers simply, like it was nothing, like it was normal. No matter how long I've been here, it's never felt normal, never felt non-embarrassing, and I doubt it ever would.

He was helping a girl. I couldn't help not watch her. Light was glowing from her, exiting in rays from her palms. When she moved her hands it was like a flashlight, showing the moving dust, shining brightly through the already-lit auditorium. He was talking to her. His face was calm as he talked. My eyes were stuck on his eyes, his hair, his mouth moving.

He glanced at me, away, back. He smiled quickly, his eyes meeting mine. My stomach turned and I looked away, face reddening.

A few minutes later he came and sat in front of me, on the floor.