Smoke

42: Making Conversation

There had been a nervousness sitting in me, something in my throat, the whole time I sat in drama. I tried not thinking about anything, keeping my mind focused on anything but yesterday. Danny was looking at me, worried, and I couldn't do anything but hope I didn't think about it, hope he wasn't reading any of my thoughts.
Tech Crew all practiced using their powers during class. I sat there, looking down, trying to keep down the anxiety I felt, keep down the smoke and the--
The bell rang and Danny looked at me and my body flashed with heat, with cold.
"Hey, you okay?" Danny asked me, getting up as I got up. I couldn't outrun him like last time at lunch, I didn't have the head start.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, putting my backpack on quickly, hearing everyone's seats scraping against the floor, the dust kicking up. He looked at me again, doubt on his face, not believing it.

He continued walking with me through the crowds, and despite not wanting him to know what happened yesterday-- I looked over at him and he met my eyes, I met his, and we both looked away-- I didn't try to lose him in the waves of students.

But my feelings changed when I sat down, when he sat across from me. He was silent, glancing at me and away, and it made my stomach swirl.
"Are you actually okay, though?" Danny asked eventually. I looked at him, his hair in his face. He pulled it away from his green eyes, continuing to look at me. He was probably reading my thoughts.

"It sounds like you know the answer, so why do you keep asking?" I asked, getting angry.

He sighed. "I'm trying not to- to read your thoughts. But I can still kind of- kind of tell when you're not okay." He looked at me, waiting. I looked down, away, when his eyes met mine. I took a breath, trying to calm down. "And," His voice lifted up slightly, and I looked back at him, "I'm making conversation." He smiled. I rolled my eyes, getting up.
"Where are you going?" He asked lightly, smiling, as I walked off.
"Getting lunch." I replied, a slight smile in my voice.

I expected Danny to go back to his friends, to be done sitting with me by the time I got back. He already had plenty of time to read my thoughts, he probably didn't need to get more. But, as I walked back to the table, he was still sitting there, waiting for me. It reminded me of my old friends, of having friends. I smiled surprisedly and sat back down.

"I'm not saying anything about why I'm not--" I looked at him, he looked back. "About why you think I'm not alright."

"Okay." He shrugged, a slight smile still on his face. And we went to silence for a minute or two.

"So you don't eat during lunch?" I asked, watching him just sitting there.

"No." He shrugged. I nodded, feeling an uncomfortableness grow. If it continued for too long he would probably leave and go back to his friends. I looked past Danny, seeing those friends glance over, talking.

I glanced back at Danny, our eyes meeting. He was looking at me thoughtfully, and I wondered if he was listening in to anything.

"I know you say that my thoughts are easy to read or whatever," I look at him after I finish chewing, swallowing. "But, really, how would that work?" I asked.

"Uh," he exhaled, "well, I... Okay. I used to not have friends. I used to be quiet. Like you." He said, glancing at me, and I avoided his eyes. "And I get that it's because you're kind of new, and- and you're missing your old school," I met his eyes. I didn't need him confirming everything I knew about myself, everything I didn't want to revisit.
"Right, uh, sorry. But, uh, also, you don't have complete control o- over your power. I used to be like that too. I still kind of am, as you can tell." Danny smiled, and I looked at him, my stomach turning. "And I think that most people feel that way, with, uh, not much control," he paused, taking a breath, looking around and listening to something I couldn't hear. "But," he refocused, looking back at me. "I don't know, I guess I- I can just hear you more easily." Danny shrugged.

I nodded hesitantly, and we went into silence. I ate, trying to avoid the build-up of awkwardness.

"Sorry, that was a really long answer, and it- it didn't say much." He said, pulling hair away from his face. But I nodded.

"No, I think I get it." I said, glancing up at him and back down to my food.

"Really?" He asked doubtfully."

"Not completely." I smiled, and he smiled back. We sat in a comfortable silence as I ate. This was much more enjoyable than sitting alone. "Hey," I said finally.
"Hey." Danny responded, and I rolled my eyes, smiling.

"What do you know about the-- about my power?" I asked, trying not think about yesterday, about any of my practices.

"Uh," he glanced at me. "That you can control smoke." He said, and I nodded. He could probably see something in my eyes, and he continued looking at me. "Why, is there something else I should know about it?" He asked lightly, intrigue in his voice.

"No." I said, my voice quick to respond. He looked at me for another second, not fully believing me but not prying. I stared down at the table. Everyone around us was loud, was moving fast, and we were still and quiet as we talked.

"Okay." He said, dropping it, and we went back into a comfortable silence.

We faded into conversations about theater, about school, and as the bell rang and I headed to class, I finally felt like I had a friend, finally felt like I wasn't completely alone in my struggles.

"See you in rehearsal." Danny said, getting up and leaving.

"Bye." I responded. I finally had a lunch that I spent with a friend again. I had Oliver, but we didn't talk too much on the bus. And he didn't sit with me. Danny did. Things were finally getting back to normal.

I walked to class, feeling a calmness after hanging out with Danny.