Smoke

4: Hyperventilating

My heart beat quicker the closer I got to the lunchroom. My breathing got more staggered.

The loudness was overwhelming and reminded me of my old school, of me and my friends yelling to each other while we ate.
It was a familiar sound, the jumble of voices, but it was made of voices that I didn't recognize. And this made me nervous, made my heart beat faster.
I got in line, ordering my food. I talked as minimally as possible when ordering, and payed quickly.

I turned around, looking at the packed lunch room. I started looking for my friends, but then my heart beat faster and my stomach dropped and it was happening again. They weren't here. I could feel the heat gather inside my body with each breath I pulled in. I breathed shallowly, quickly, stepping through the lunchroom. I went outside, finding an empty bench. All of the tables were full, and full of people I didn't know. I sat down, feeling the heat of the sun, the heat of my breaths. The air I breathed out thickened.

I set my food down, hearing it clatter gently. I was freaking out again.
I started walking, I forgot where, and pulled out my phone to text mom.
I called her, but it was still ringing by the time I saw the smoke rise from my mouth. I thought about my friends, about how they were mad at me for transferring, about how I didn't want any of this.

I pushed my body through the halls, weakly opening the door to the nurses office. I stood there, hyperventilating, feeling lightheaded. She looked up at me, stood, and guided me to lay down.
"Breathe." She said. My phone was still ringing. I tried to breathe normally, but all I could feel was the heat inside of me, scratching m'y throat, pooling in my lungs, being breathed out with every exhale. My chest was moving up and down, but I finally calmed when mom picked up.

"Sugar?" Her voice was static over the phone.
The nurse waited for me to breathe, to respond to her.
"Hello, your daughter is in the nurses office. She's hyperventilating, but she'll be alright in a minute." The nurse talked loudly so that her voice would reach the phone. Her eyes met mine reassuringly.

I couldn't catch my breath. The nurse kept telling me to slow down and copy how she breathed.
I couldn't catch my breath, until I did.
"I'm okay mom." I said, finally lifting the phone to my face and talking quietly. I hung up the phone, putting it in my pocket. "Thank you." I said to the nurse. She talked to me for a moment about breathing techniques, then sent me on my way. I was fine.