Smoke

25: Water

"I thought we got past that, with the school nurse, and the exercises?" Mother said questioningly.
I felt my stomach drop slightly. Not even close.

After a pause, I shook my head, taking another nervous swallow of water. She walked out from the doorway to her room, going to sit down on the couch. She motioned for me to sit with her. Feeling the smoke and fire inside my body, pulling up in my throat, I went to sit down with her.

"What about your Skill Management class, isn't that helping?" She asked, turning towards me.

I rolled my eyes. "No."
She pursed her lips, glancing at me then away.
"That class still has you reading books, right?" She asked me. I nodded.
"Sugar, you need to analyze these books more. The teachers they pick for that class have a way of knowing what you need to learn." She said gently.

"All it is," I huffed, blowing out air, "is just another English class. I'm not learning anything from those books except those overused morals." My voice got quieter, scratchier, as I continued talking. I took a gulp of water, feeling it fill my stomach.

"Yes, that. Those morals are what you need to use to help control your power. Do you remember any of them?" She asked, leaning into the couch, facing me.

I shook my head, even though I did remember one. I couldn't say it aloud, didn't want to. They weren't useful, and were too general to apply to myself anyway.

She sighed, and I sighed.
"Well, the next time you have that class, try to remember one and I'll help you figure it out, okay, sugar?" She said, smiling quickly, getting up.

"Okay." I responded simply, giving a small smile back. Mom started to walk back to her room.

"Oh," She turned back to me. "I know it must be difficult, but..." She took a breath, meeting my eyes. "Try to take it slow. Breathe, think, all of that, okay? I don't want you freaking out at school again." She said gently, nodding at me. "Learning to control your power will help. That class will help." She smiled sadly at me, turning back and going to her room. Not likely.

I sighed, drinking down more water. Everyone kept on telling me the class would help, would work, would make me better. But so far it's done nothing for me except waste my time. Everyone told me to analyze the books, over and over, telling me, but the books are useless. They're just fiction, and can't help me. I won't get better at my power if I just sit around in that class, doing nothing to develop it.

I felt powerless, even with the smoke in me, especially with the smoke in me.