Smoke

16: Minds

I woke up, perfectly normal. No fever, no fire, no smoke trying to pour out of me.
My alarm for school was sharp in my ears. My eyes groggily burned through the early darkness.

I still didn't want to go to school. I would have to go to drama class and read through the script. I would see every other girl who would be trying out for the part of Juliet. I would have to talk to Oliver, either about my power or the play. I would have to sit in lunch with my no friends, alone, eating cafeteria food. I would have to be with Oliver through the bus ride there and back, maybe stay silent and sit awkwardly.

I stumbled to the living room, looking for mother, who was usually up early with me. She was sitting, reading on the couch.

"You okay, sugar?" Mother got up from her spot, quickly feeling my forehead. She gave a thoughtful sound as she inspected me. "You seem perfectly alright enough to go to school." She nodded with her statement, going back to sit on the couch.
My stomach fell, and I nodded, going back to my room to get ready.

I sat on the bus, my stomach churning. Oliver eventually sat down next to me. As far as he knew, everything was fine. As far as anyone knew, I was exactly the same as I was yesterday, as two days ago, as a week ago.

"Hey." Oliver said, pulling his backpack onto his lap for the ride to school.
I was too afraid to open my mouth. I could feel the heat curling in my stomach, in my lungs. The smoke burned in my throat. I just nodded at him, not meeting his eyes. He glanced at me for a second, but gave up and just sat by me. I looked out the window, seeing sidewalks and streets pass quickly by.

I was almost too scared to breathe. I could feel my heart beat loudly, could feel the smoke curling up my lungs, pushing through my throat.

I opened my mouth slightly, also afraid of the smoke adding up, becoming too much.
A dark grey puff escaped my lips. My heart nervously beat faster.
"What are other things you see?" I asked Oliver quietly, more smoke being breathed out accidentally. I felt desperate for news of someone else's power, for confirmation I wasn't the only one struggling. For a distraction enough to momentarily stop the smoke.

"What?" He asked, glancing at me then at the smoke curling up the air of the bus.
"With your power?" I asked, voice a bit scratchy. I closed my mouth afterwards, afraid the other students would see the smoke, afraid the fire would come out soon. The smoke was getting darker.

"Oh. Uh, historical things. In drama class, I mostly see plays being performed. In art, I see the paintings being made. In history..." He trailed off, tensing and freezing up. I stared at him for a second, waiting for him to continue, realizing he wouldn't and he was probably having another vision. I felt bad I even asked. He was lost to his own mind because of me. I was lost to my own, also, but just in a different way.

"Never mind. Sorry." I said quietly, feeling disappointed with myself. He was probably taken aback by my question, probably disappointed in me, too. I looked back to the window, closing my eyes to the darkened air, to the smoke escaping my mouth, to Oliver snapping back out of his mind and back into existence.
"It's okay." He said quietly. I could feel him looking at me.

I felt like I was always messing up. I lost my friends. I made mother upset. I gave Oliver a vision about something that was probably bad. It felt like I had no one.

Leaning my head against the cold glass of the window, I waited until we got to school, feeling the rumbles of the moving bus absorb into my body, trying to suppress the need to cough or open my mouth and let the smoke out.