Dear you,

her entry no.12

18 sept

Dear you,
I know you might be wondering what happened after the fight. So, Ben and I were let off in the case of self defense! Oh yeah we made it. We taught that ass a lesson and didn't even get in trouble for it. But the part that got me was that Ben backed me up. I started the fight and it wasn't even his fault. I don't think he deserved the broken arm or his car window getting smashed.

But I'm going to make it up for him. Today is his birthday! I can't remember the last time I celebrated my birthday. I think I was ten and I'm pretty sure my parents didn't do it for me . I'm sure they were trying to show people how rich they were (are)

For those of you who think money is everything, it isn't. I know it's going to sound cliche but 'money can't buy happiness'. I take Ben as an inspiration. He barely has enough to pay for college, but he's always so happy. He has a father who loves him... I wish we could exchange lives.

I heard my parents talking about sending me away to college in a completely different state. It's like rehab and a college. But the thing is that I'm getting better. I saved up all my money that I used to spend on drugs and blades. It has been hard but Ben told me that after the end of all of this, its going to be worth it. I wish my parents could see that I am tying. I don't want to move away. So, I screamed at them and broke decoration anything that came to sight. But I'm not letting that get to me, today is going to be a happy day!

Anyways, the whole day I pretended like I didn't know it was his birthday. He didn't seem to care but I had everything planned in mind. Okay I know what you're think "you messed up his arm and his car. You didn't even apologize" you have no idea. Every time I tell him I'm sorry he assures me it's not my fault. But I know it is. He's just really nice to admit it. What if moving away is better for him?

I was planning on fixing his car. So, I went to his house and broke in. I saw him through his window and he was taking a nap. He looked at peace. He said that's the only time he has to himself. Where he can dream about whatever he wants to be. Anyways, I slowly opened the window and stepped inside. I took his car keys which he had tossed on the floor. I gave him a light kiss on his cheek which luckily didn't wake him up.

I took it to a car factory to get a front windshield fixed for him. To cover up the spray paint I added cool flame stickers. Trust me it looked better. I put a huge bow on his car and parked it where it previously was. I knocked on his door and pretended like I never broke in. I can't really write about his ACTUAL SURPRISE. I guess you'll never know. And if you're reading this then don't try to find me and ask what it was. Because firstly, good luck finding me. And secondly, I'm never telling the surprise I gave him:)

I feel like this journal is just me ranting about a boy rather than myself. But what can I do? He is always on my mind.You might have heard the following lines in every single movie. But hear me out when I say I have never met anyone who cared so much about me. He's still sticking up with me after what happened. I don't know what I'd do without him. But I sometimes wonder if I'm bad company for him...