Dear you,

her entry no.16

8 nov'18

Dear you,

Life has never been worse. I crave smoking every now and then but my mom tells me that I have to quit for my unborn child. I have stretch marks on my stomach and it seems as if somebody inflated air inside of it. It reminds me of the games I used to play when life was  stress free. I used to put a ball underneath my shirt and pretend I was pregnant. Except that it wasn't a ball anymore.

My ex or current boyfriend has never been nicer. Yesterday, he bought clothes for the baby. I told him he didn't have to do it yet but he said he couldn't help it. I sometimes do feel like he has changed for the better. He spends more time with me now and assures me that he always has my back.

''you are aware that we will have to give it up for adoption '', I said to him one evening.

''I wouldn't mind if you would decide to keep our baby'', and he kissed my forehead

Other than that, I went to the grocers to grab a few things for myself while my mom waited in the car. I bumped into my friend from college. I told her I was taking private classes and no harm was done to my studies. I also told her that it was my current boyfriend's baby. I didn't feel any shame in hiding the truth

''Oh I thought you had a baby with the mechanics son. What was his name? Billy?''' she said

''Ben'', I answered back in a serious tone

''Well Thank God you didn't have a baby with him. I'm glad you got together with your ex. Imagine living in the nerds small shoe box'', she started giggling at that

That was it. She had crossed the line. Plus, I was already annoyed with her because one time in high school she started a rumor about me. That I was sleeping with the Dean. I didn't think twice and did as my heart desired. I launched my fist at her and hit her hard in the jaw. And let me tell you that if felt damn good.

''Suck on that bitch!'', as soon as I said that I realized what I had done. I ran to my car with my enormous belly and told my mom to step on the gas. After we were a mile away I told her what had happened and she had never been proud of me. 

''you showed her who's boss.'', I love my mom

Now let me give you an update on Ben. I do miss him a lot nowadays. I had a dream about him yesterday. We were on a hill top and had never been happy. I wasn't pregnant and none of that had ever happened. Just two carefree kids sharing their feelings with each other. 

I wonder if he still feels the same about me. Obviously I can't tell him that I'm having a baby because it might hurt him. But yesterday I saw a picture online on a party and recognized him and his blue shirt he always wore. To my surprise he was drinking and having fun. I didn't know he drank until I saw the picture. 

I guess one of us is happy.