A Moment to Feel

The Biggest Bully.

This world can be so cruel,

words can dig so deep that they sting just as much as new cuts.

You can say what you want about me, behind my back or to my face.

I just want you to know something...

I'm my biggest bully!

There's nothing you can call me that I haven't already called myself. There's not one flaw you could point out that I haven't already beat myself down over. There's nothing you can say about me that I haven't already thought.

I don't know who has hurt you the most in your life, but as for me, it's my own thoughts, my own words, my own eyes.

It's okay that I'm not good enough for you because honestly, I'm not good enough for myself.

I don't want to be me.

I don't want to look at myself, hear myself, know my thoughts, touch my own skin.

My imperfections sicken me.

Seeing how worthless I am, kills me.

I have these feelings, whether they be because I'm truly not good enough or because everyone else is just too great, it hardly matters.

I'm misunderstood either way.

Nobody gets me, not even me.

Maybe that's why it feels so easy to give up.

I don't know who I am, but whoever I may be, I hate her and I don't want her anymore.

I'm done with her, I'm done with me, I'm done with everything.

In my mind, I'm the biggest bully in the world.

Look what I've done to myself...

I've pushed myself too far, and now I'm too far gone to even care.

I just want this to be over.

I just want out...

Forever.

~JescaRose.