All For You ♡reddie♡

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"are you okay eds?" richie wondered leaning over to get a better look at his distressed friend. "fine." eddie stated flat out. "you know you can talk to me if somethings wrong, right?" richie reminded as he started to rub eddies back. "yeah, just a lot has happened-but it's nothing really-it's just-" "eddie, what the hell is wrong with you? you're scaring me.." richie questioned as he stepped in front of his friend, stopping him in his tracks. eddie started up at his tall friend with lost eyes. eddie began to admire richie, and his concern for him. richie was so close to his friend that eddie could count his freckles, there were so many of them and some stuck out more than others. is that how eddie was to the rest of the losers? did he some how stick out more than the rest? "goddamnit eddie answer me!" richie demanded grabbing onto eddie's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "richie...I just need some time to myself, okay? i'll let you know when im ready." eddie replied in a hushed tone, slowly brushing his friends hands off his shoulders. "okay..just...tell me as soon as you are okay or figure out what's going on or-you know what I mean." richie requested still concerned for his friend. "of course rich.." eddie confirmed hugging his tall friend for reassurance. richie waited a moment and hugged his friend back tightly, once he did this, eddie's heart began to race and he felt his cheeks heat up. eddie took a deep breath and pulled away from the hug, his palms felt sort of clammy, he felt weak and nervous, but his heart was racing. eddie swallowed hard and tried to think of something so he would calm down.
the bell rung notifying everyone that the day was over, and it was finally the weekend. people started flooding the hallway and rushing toward the doors of the school. "well so much for borrowing you.." richie commented as the two walked toward the exit. "what did you need me for anyways?" eddie wondered. "I wanted to study in the library." replied richie, making eddie giggle. "you are really something spaghetti.." richie commented as he pinched eddie's cheek. "look who's talkin'." eddie teased making richie roll his eyes.

eddie entered his house and started his usual conversation with his mom. he watched again as she painted her nails a more pastel shade of pink. I wonder what I would look like with nail polish? eddie wondered before he left the living room. he made his was up the stairs and into his bedroom, tossing his book bag onto his bed, and quietly shutting the door. he sat down at his little desk and grabbed his bag, pulling out the notebook. he flipped through the pages until he came across the drawing of richie's darling eye. he folded the note book again and began to gaze at his drawing. he ripped it out from the book and folded it many times until it was a little square. he wanted to put it somewhere, so he could go to it and look at it when he missed richie. eddie looked around his room and didn't see a good place to keep it. he started pouting a bit and went to rerun his focus back to his work, when he looked at his bed. eddie popped up from his seat and walked over to his bed, lifting up his perfectly fluffed pillow and sticking the drawing under it. he sat the pillow on the paper and stared at the pillow for sometime, satisfied with his decision. eddie then plopped back down on his desk chair and opened his bag again to start his work...only he didn't have any work to do. he sighed and slouched in his chair, thinking of what to do. he sat back up in his chair and started to write an entry in his notebook.

Lately I've felt...lost. I feel like there's either a ton of pressure on me, or I'm absent from the world. There has been a lot that has happened the past couple of months. I don't want to go outside much anymore and hang out with the losers, I fear I stick out too much, or I'm not impressive enough . Instead of listening to heavy metal like other guys, I rather listen to Whitney Houston, or Billy Ocean. I oddly like to watch my mom paint her nails every week, and sometimes watch her do her makeup before we go out in public. Today I thought what I would look like with nail polish...is that normal for a 16 year old boy? Also, I went into the library today and found this book, I thought maybe it was a personality test, so I opened it and skimmed through a bit and began to take this quiz. The first question was like, "Have you ever fantasized about the same sex?" And there was another that said, "In the past which sex have you liked more?" Or something close to that... And in study hall I started doodling in this notebook, and I couldn't figure out what it was, so I turned the book and it was an eye, but the eye seemed familiar, so later I drew some glasses on it...and it was Richie's eye. Richie then came into my study hall and wanted to talk to me, so he went out into the hallway and he saw that I was a bit shooken up and wondered what was wrong. He grabbed onto my shoulders and gazed into my eyes in worry. I started admiring his face and his freckles were...beautiful. I began counting them and I saw that some were darker and stood out more than others, and I wondered if I was like that. I wondered if I stuck out more than some of the other losers. I eventually told him I would tell him what was going on when I figured it out. Then I hugged him to reassure him that he would be my number one priority. He hugged back and when he did he felt warm, and I felt safe, like the other night. Then my heart started racing, and my cheeks started to heat up. I pulled away from the hug and my hands felt weird and dry, and I felt so weak. I didn't know what was going on with me...and it's been bothering me...I also can't stop thinking about those questions I saw in the book...or how I randomly drew richie. (I put the drawing under my pillow...not sure if that is weird or not). I just hope I can figure out what this feeling is so I can get over it ...