Vixy Wilde {A Zootopia Fanfiction}[COMPLETED]✔️

Chapter 10: Why Me??

{1 week later}

(Jasper's POV)

It has been bloody hell and suffering for the Wilde's this past week. Losing Dawn, having to bury her a few days later; I had never seen Vivian so depressed. Nor Vix. Viv told us that she didn't care how Vix was feeling. "Her feelings don't matter to me! I've lost more than she had!" she snapped.

I didn't know why she snapped like that, but I think it was mainly her grief talking.

Aaron and I have literally tried everything to get Vixy out of her room, but to no avail. He'd call and text, I'd do the same; no reply. I know it worried Aaron more than it worried me.

Nick  told us that she hadn't committed suicide or attempted, but that didn't mean that those thoughts still lingered deep in her mind and heart.

((Warning: This part of the story contains strong language, thoughts/attempts of self-harm, and mention of PTSD. Ye have be warned!

(Vixy's POV)

I stared up at nothing......like always. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept in almost five days. I know, that's bad. But I've been having nightmares and minor panic attacks after them, then I can't sleep. I usually cry almost every few hours.

I know Jasper and Aaron care, but they don't fucking understand it as much as I do. Yes, Aaron lost his little sister and his mom, Jasper lost his little sister and doesn't even know who or where his father is. But me....I've fucking lost everything.  I should've been shot, not Aunt Dawn. I should've died in surgery, not my mom. I should've died on scene, not dad, not Kelly, not Meg. I should've been fucking killed after my fucking rape.

"I should've never been born!" I snarled, punching the wall a couple of times, making one of the pictures fall off the wall.

I walked over to it to pick it up. It was a picture of me, Viv, Uncle Nick, Aunt Dawn, Kelly and Meg as newborns, mom, and dad.

I leaned my back against the wall, feeling tears stream down my face. My body trembled and a slid down the wall to the floor, holding the picture and my knees close to my chest and sobbed.

"Why me? Why me of all fucking mammals?!?!" I snarled.

After about ten minutes later I stopped crying and looked up. "What's the point of me even staying alive anymore. No one will even fucking notice."

I stood up and walked over to my dresser. I opened one of the drawers and pulled out the razor blade that dad gave me when the rape incident was over.

I hovered it over my wrist. Just a few cuts and an overdose and it'd be over. All the pain, all the suffering, all the fucking grief, all of it.

'End it NOW! No one will even care if you do!' My head screamed. I was about to do it, until I saw a picture in the mirror. 

It was one of last winter; it had me, Vivian, Aaron and Jasper. The memory flashed into my mind. Aunt Dawn, Uncle Nick, Jasper's mom, Annie, and Aaron's dad Ben, his mom was sick then. We all spend every Christmas together like family.

I looked in the mirror and my heart sank into my stomach. The vixen I saw was not me. She looked exhausted, angry, sad, fearful, suicidal, depressed, and not the happy vixen that I always was.

I sighed shakily. "What the fuck am I doing?" I muttered, my voice cracking and shaking.

The door of my bedroom opened. "Vixy?" two voices chimed in. It was Jasper and Aaron. They must've come over to check up on me and Viv.

I kept looking at my reflection in the mirror, but I could see the shocked looks on their faces.

I sighed, tears going down my face before I finally broke, and honestly, it felt so fucking good to let out how I had felt for the past week.