One Bad Day

Jack's Truth

Joker's POV

I stood at the large window in my living room staring out at the darkness. Rain lightly pelts on the roof and almost has the same effect on me as when Harley puts me under hypnosis. Ivy's plant secretions seemed to be having an affect on me. I was more placid on the outside, but on the inside I was torn by my madness confusion. Jack was in a lot of pain. Normally Jack has the rest of us handle his problems and fight his battles for him. But Ivy's drug was complicating our normal routine of managing and functioning as The Joker. Jack was surfacing more, and to say that it's a complication is an understatement.

He held so much pain. So much fucking pain. The kind of pain I didn't want to feel. I didn't know how to process any of it. It was the kind of pain that tears a person apart. But being torn apart from the inside out is really the easy part though. It's trying to put the broken pieces back together that seems like an unimaginable reality. I'm completely lost and I don't know where to start with gluing the pieces back together.

That's not the reason Jack created any of us. We were never meant to fix anything. We were designed to reign a world of crime through madness and total control. We were designated to be the driver's of Jack's out of control vehicle. We never had to feel like Jack. That was why The Joker was such a successful crime Lord, he never had to feel when the Boss was in control. The Boss had no feelings. J felt anger and rage and that was usually helpful for maintaining complete control of the underworld. And Mistah J could only see irony and humor in everything. None of us are accustomed to or equipped to handle these emotions coming from Jack. It was overwhelming most of the time.

Harley keeps putting me under hypnosis, trying to talk to Jack. Normally we wouldn't let anyone ever talk to Jack. It was our job to shield and protect him. But Ivy's drug was making us weaker and Jack stronger. I'm beginning to think that my idea of bringing out Jack was maybe a bad idea. I failed to remember one very vital piece of information when I made the basis for my solution. See, we are Jack. We're all inside of him. What one is capable of, so is the other. Jack may be meekly voiced and mildly tempered, but a killing machine was still inside of him. A serious crime boss was in him. And a lunatic clown was part of him too. I don't think Jack is ready to explore the forgotten memories in his head. In fact, I'm sure he purposefully chose to forget them. What if I'm actually creating a ticking time bomb by releasing Jack? What if Jack flips out and hurts Harley or the baby?

I turn my head and look back at Frost and Harley watching me intently. The way they're always staring at me makes me defensive and paranoid. I'm dosing myself with a lot of Thorazine. It helps with the internal struggle for dominance in my head. It makes everyone else allow Harley to come into our shattered head. I slightly stagger as the Thorazine pulses through my veins. I was taking enough to knock out about seven psychos at once.

"You ok puddin?" Harley asks.

I hold up my hand and nod saying that I was fine. I watch as Harley rises and crosses the room to where I stood. My eyes can't help but stare at that ever present, ever growing lump in her stomach. Her hand gently takes my arm and turns it, examining the track marks from all the injections. She then brushed a hand over my cheek and stares deeply in my eyes. "Who are you right now?" She asks curiously, searching my eyes, my soul, for the answer.

And I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't know who the fuck I was. My lips part as I shy away from her touch. "You have to fix Jack Harley. If you want that silly little dream of yours with the white picket fence... you gotta help Jack."

"I'm trying to," she says sadly looking down. "He won't open up to me, not all the way. He's very gaurded."

"What about LSD?" I quickly ask, "wasn't it originally created for therapy sessions to get patients to open up? Ecstacy too?"

"Yes, but for obvious reasons it was considered bad practice because of the great euphoria they created for the patients."

"But it did work in therapy? With hypnosis? Right?" I ask.

"Yes, but..."

"No buts," I shake my head, "we're running out of time. Frost, you know what to do," I motion to him to go have one of my many lackies go out and score me the drugs.

Three hours later I was restrained on my bed staring up at my ceiling melting and dripping down on me. I don't think I have ever managed to get myself so high before. I chuckle and keep watching it as Harley puts me under hypnosis.

"With your permission, I need to talk to Jack," I hear Harley saying.

"I'm here baby," I say, "but I'm high as a kite I'm afraid," I smile and lightly tug at my restraints. I didn't like those.

"That's ok Jack, just go with it."

"Go with it," I smiled broadly, "ok."

"Jack. The others have expressed that your feelings are causing great discomfort for them. You made them to have no serious feelings about anything. You are the one who feels. It's your feelings that inevitably drew you out when you got the news about the baby. I need you to tell me what you're feeling Jack."

"Mmmm right now I feel pretty good actually."

"Ok then. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"No, go ahead," I sweetly comply watching my ceiling still dripping down on me. I know that it isn't, yet my brain actually has me feeling the cool white drops landing on my skin. They just disappear on me because my skin is the same exact shade of alabaster.

"Jack, after J killed your parents, where did you live?"

"A number of foster homes. Gotham Orphanage. Juvenile detentions."

"Did you know that that's what would happen to you after J killed both of your parents?"

"I didn't...think about it. I don't really like to think about them much," I day and feel this heaviness heaving down on my chest.

"Is that because you're afraid to?" Harley carefully asks.

"No. I am afaid, but not about having any feelings about them. I'm afraid of facing my own truth."

"What is your truth Jack?"

I turn and look at her, "Haven't you figured it out yet? My truth is that Mistah J, J, and myself, we're all The Joker. One just as crazy as the next. But I know that the thing that is broken is me. I know that years in a broken and abusive household were the precursor to my need and necessity of the others. I know that even though they do take control over me, the only real control is my own. I'm the one with the control, all I have to do is take it."

"Then why don't you Jack?"

"I've been The Joker so long baby," my words softly trail out, "I don't think I can ever be just Jack again. Jack needs far too much work. I don't want to have to relive the memories that I've convinced myself that shock therapy robbed me of. I have an inkling, a hint of what lies buried in the deepest recesses of my mind. And I rather leave it buried."

"I know you would like to do that. But Jack, what does your heart tell you to do for your family?"

"Family?? I'm not sure if I deserve to have one. Yet, I'm perfectly aware that I have chosen to explore that matter. Tell me what you think I should do Harls? I know you will only choose what's right for me. So what will it be? Go back to the way it was or continue to experiment with all the feelings Jack has in a brain that hasn't registered any in twenty years or more?"

Harley is quite for a very long time and just looks at me. Finally she runs her hand over her slightly pregnant stomach. "I love all of you. I don't care how many sides of you there is. But I know that under it all there is only Jack. Jack is a stranger to you. He makes you feel and, like you said, you haven't had to feel in a very long time. I think you should get to know Jack. I want a chance to know what you were like before you were as I see you now."

I swallow and nod. "Harley, you're right. We'll continue with the injections and therapy. I know what a promising doctor you were before I destroyed all that. I have faith in you to have faith in us. In our little family."